October 2, 1996 - Wednesday

Today, like usual, I got up at 6:46am and took a shower.  Then I made up Elder Parks' bed while he was taking a shower.  It made me feel good.  And I hope it makes me love him more.  I can feel it starting to work. 

I have memorized another half of a paragraph from the Ds [Discussions written in Russian] - it's hard though.  We never have enough time.  Well - by for now.

It's just after supper.  Michelle Merithew wrote.  Yahoo.  Whew.  I just [got] back from the evening class.  I feel like I just suck.  I'm feeling pretty bad.  I feel like Moses.  Earlier today I was feeling really good and in the last class I felt the Spirit so strongly.  But afterwards I really didn't.  It's like the Spirit left me when I was trying to teach the 1st principle of the 2nd Discussion.  I floundered and really disliked it.  Intensely.  I went after Elder Parks and I felt like he did so good and I compared myself to him and the Spirit departed.

So what I learned from today is not to be contentious.  And not to compare myself to other people. But that is really hard to do [or not to do - as the case may be]. I don't understand why we can't have the Spirit with us always. Is it because we are not suppose to or is it because I have done something wrong? 

I'm feeling better now.  It's like I just have to get it off of my chest or Satan can only tempt or discourage me for so long and that's all?  Well it's bedtime.  night

August 15, 1996 - Thursday

Well I worked 8 - 2 today, came home and vegitated.  Tomorrow I work until 7 and then I'm going with my mother to go and buy more clothes.  We also have to pick up my suits.  Tonight I called Michelle and talked to her for about an hour and a half.  I like her.  She is so funny and nice.  I went on a date with her last Saturday.  We went to Mongolian and then watched King Pin (it sucked big time).  It was disgusting and dirty.  A really sucking thing.  Then we went and had some ice cream at Baskin-Robbins. 

As I was talking to her tonight she told me that she wanted like 6 - 10 kids.  And she asked me later how many I wanted.  And I was like, "I had always thought six was a lot and that is the number you started at."  But she seems like she is ready to get married.  I don't mean that she's really looking or anything.  I just think she is going to make an excellend mother and wife.  night