November 09, 1996 - Saturday

Well nobody has confronted me or anything so I guess I'm safe.  Well today went pretty well.  We really didn't do anything very much in the morning class, and the afternoon class ws pretty funny.  Брат Sycamore taught us how to teach English conversation classes.  It was really fun because we all read stuff in different accents.  Сестра Jensen does a really good New Jersey accent and a good British one.  Well I'm going to bed now. 

I feel very prepared to leave this place.  We had a LGM [Large Group Meeting] for all the "soon to leave" [missionaries].  [A] Brother Gibbs taught, and I felt the Spirit telling me to get out there and convert, activate and retain.  It was cool.  Well - I Love You Man, night.

November 6, 1996 - Wednesday

Well I took a shower last night and I had a really good sleep.  I wasn't sore or anything this morning.  Today is my last Wednesday at the MTC.  Elder Kindred said it's pretty sad huh? (when I said that outloud).  And I said what he said its pretty sad that we don't feel sad leaving the MTC.  I want to be in Russia right now.  I'll write later.

It's after we had a chance to teach the discussions again.  I feel like crap so much.  I feel like I have just procrastinated.  I just feel so terribles [yeah - no idea where I was going with that spelling].  I wish I knew why.  Jesus was perfect.  Why can't I be.  I hate myself.  This is what I wrote right after we finished teaching..."I've never really been tested.  I've felt so much more bad feelings deep inside as I started working hard.  I'm falling hard." 

Here is a quote that Sister Jensen relayed..."What kind of Church would this be if all missionaries were like me?"  You can probably guess how I felt.

[Post Journal Chat - Looking back I still can't understand how I could feel such contrasting feelings within 24 hours.  Tuesdays were always terrific because of the General Authorities' talks and here it is Wednesday and these feelings pop up.  I think that it comes from comparing myself to others.  I compare their best - with my worst.  For some reason that doesn't bring happiness???] 

October 14, 1996 - Monday

Today ended so awesome.  It was a really long dang partly because we had three lessons in grammar our midday class.  But our evening evening class we went through a discussion in Russian first and then the last 5 minutes was in English.  Well we ran over the time limit and we went to TRC:  the Training Resource Center.  We had a little orientation and then we went to a door and knocked.  We just talked to an older guy and we got him to commit to helping an inactive family down the street.  It was [a] pretty weak commitment. 

I improved in the second one by leaning forward when talking with this guy, who was next. 

Sister Jensen was my companion & he [the investigator] kind of teased us about this.  It went a whole lot better though.  We were on time & we got him to commit to talking with his wife about inviting a[n] inactive family down the street to dinner one night where we give them a little lesson and invite them to church.  We improved a lot with the second one and I feel awesome.  It makes me want to get out in the mission field and start teaching.  You are probably wondering what this is on the page [picture on the left].  Well the guy that was giving feedback thought that I should have [a dress] since I was with a sister.  [I remember that he held up the dress to the screen and kept moving it around so that my face was visible under the hat.]

I have to go now, but I want whoever is reading this to know, that I have a deep love for my Heavenly Father.  I felt so comfortable in the room and I know it was because of our prayers before entering.  Thank you!

September 18, 1996 - Wednesday

Well today didn't go too well.  In the first class we went down and had blood drawn for aids testing [No that is not the "didn't go too well" part].  It was really fun.  We all sat around waiting and our teacher came down with the rest of our class to get our blood drawn.  So we just sat there talking about Russia a little bit and about whatever we wanted.  But is was so funny.  Earlier that day in class one of the Sisters in the class, Sister Bishop, left to go to a meeting.  She got back when we were at the Health Center.  Then we went to lunch at an earlier hour to miss all the newbies on Wednesday.

When we got back from lunch we sat down to study, like we would have before lunch and Sister Bishop had another meeting.  So we studied for an hour then went to Gym.  Played basketball etc.  Well we went back to class at 3pm and at about 4 or so Sister Jensen [Sister Bishop's companion] came back and started to tell us that Sister Bishop is leaving.  She couldn't continue because she was crying.  Then a girl from another class came in and told us that she [Sister Jensen] was changing districts but that she would still be in our class.  She would have to move into their room and become a threesome like us [Kindred, Parks & I].  She doesn't know why she left only that she might come back.  But if she came back it would be in a couple of months.  I liked Sister Bishop - she was good natured and she was always striving to get herself and all of us speaking Russian. 

Then I got sick.  I have diarrhea and a runny nose and a huge headache.  Plus I have extremely bad gas tonight.  That might be because I ran out of Superstrength 120 miligram pills of gas relief and started taking 80mg chewable gas relief.  I wrote home to my parents and they still haven't written me back.  It's been a freaking weak.  Where the heck are my letters.  I've mailed out 11 altogether.  Some were to Gib and I don't think they will get here for quite a while.  But everybody else should have their letters.  Well tomorrow I'll probably get them.  night