January 7, 2011 - Friday

So there are a couple of things I wanted to talk about. 

First - I forgot to explain the Black Hole Year thing from a couple of posts ago.  It means the year where you are entirely in the country.  It has a sort of bad connotation.  My trainer, Elder Barnes, was at the end of his mission, and a little frustrated with Russia.  He was also sick of the smoggy, unhealthy air, and some of the peeps that he hung around with, were as well. 

So one of the mission traditions was to count out your Black Hole year.  I even had a little calendar that I got from a bank and it had '96 - '98 on there.  I marked off each week as it went by and celebrated the end of the Black Hole Year when it was over.  So for me, in '97 I would be in Russia the whole year.  '96 I was only there for a month and a half, and in '98 I was only in Russia for the first 9 and half months. 

Even though I was down about Russia sometimes I guess after a few months I wasn't all that negative.  Recently one of my mission companions told me that he enjoyed being my companion because I really liked Russia, and wanted to be there and it showed.  That made me feel good.

Second - I also forgot to relate a super funny event that happened in the MTC lunchroom one day.  All the time, at least once a week someone would drop one of the glass cups.  You would hear it across the big cafeteria...tink...tink...tink...pshshshsh as it bounced a couple of times and then shattered on the floor.  We'd all look over at whoever had dropped the cup and laugh at him/her a little.  It wasn't a really big deal (because it happened so often) but it had to be embarrassing for that person. 

So we are eating one day and most of my district was already sitting at the table.  And then we hear it...tink...tink...tink...and...nothing.  We all look up and there is Elder Kindred and he is slightly bent over and...he has the cup in his hand!  He has actually caught it after 3 whole bounces.  He straightens up and holds both his hands up like he's just scored a touchdown.  The cafeteria goes wild.  Everyone clapped and laughed.  It was something pretty small, but it was cool.

night

November 6, 1996 - Wednesday

Well I took a shower last night and I had a really good sleep.  I wasn't sore or anything this morning.  Today is my last Wednesday at the MTC.  Elder Kindred said it's pretty sad huh? (when I said that outloud).  And I said what he said its pretty sad that we don't feel sad leaving the MTC.  I want to be in Russia right now.  I'll write later.

It's after we had a chance to teach the discussions again.  I feel like crap so much.  I feel like I have just procrastinated.  I just feel so terribles [yeah - no idea where I was going with that spelling].  I wish I knew why.  Jesus was perfect.  Why can't I be.  I hate myself.  This is what I wrote right after we finished teaching..."I've never really been tested.  I've felt so much more bad feelings deep inside as I started working hard.  I'm falling hard." 

Here is a quote that Sister Jensen relayed..."What kind of Church would this be if all missionaries were like me?"  You can probably guess how I felt.

[Post Journal Chat - Looking back I still can't understand how I could feel such contrasting feelings within 24 hours.  Tuesdays were always terrific because of the General Authorities' talks and here it is Wednesday and these feelings pop up.  I think that it comes from comparing myself to others.  I compare their best - with my worst.  For some reason that doesn't bring happiness???] 

October 27, 1996 - Sunday

Today we are having a weird change.  One of the companionships is changing - they are going to split up.  Ст. Beckstrand is now companions with Ст. Kindred, and Ст. Parks and I are now companions.  [Ст. Pope went into a threesome with another companionship, but I don't remember who.]

Here's the thought for the day...

"Perhaps we stray from the path which leads to peace and find it necessary to pause, to ponder, and to reflect on the teachings of the Prince of Peace and determine to incorporate them in our thoughts and actions and to live a higher law, walk a more elevated road, and be a better disciple of Christ."  - Thomas S. Monson [Ensign » 1994 » May »The Path to Peace - 3rd Paragraph]

October 24, 1996 - Thursday

Well tonight has been rather peculiar.  One of the Elders in one of the new districts is having a hard time so Ст. Kindred came in here and dressed really fast and then we had a group hug and I told them that I know God loves them.  Ст. Kindred was crying and wanted the Spirit so bad.  He is so humble.  He has the longest prayers I have ever heard. 

[I don't think that I explained earlier, but Ст. Kindred was now an AP in our building/ward - so he would take the newbies on a tour every Wed. and visit the other districts etc. to see how everyone was doing.  Whenever there was a problem - he was the go-to guy.]

Ст. Parks and I talked quite a bit tonight.  I felt a little like I am being left out of the companionship but I didn't know exactly why or what they could do.  I feel weird tonight.  I bore my testimony to one of the Portugal Elders.  They are two or three weeks old - the English speaking a week or two old. 

Well it's about 5 after 11 so I'd better get to bed.  I'd better pray good tonight to feel better.  That always helps.

[Post jounal chat - I've noticed for the past 3 entries that the way I write in English is getting confused and different.  I see little bits of Russian grammar sneaking in to my English.  Interesting huh?]

October 16, 1996 - Wednesday

Well tonight went good.  I went out with the new group, when Ст. Kindred gave them the tour etc.  I always like that.  Also in the new district is Elder Mike Porter.  Now I want to share with you the very funny wisdom of a missionary long gone.  It's called The Small Papers of Mitchell. [This was found hidden on the underside of a drawer]

October 12, 1996 - Saturday

Well guess what!?  When I was home Mike and Lynette came up and earlier my dad told me that they were engaged.  To be married on the 19th.  Well that's next Saturday.  Wow huh?  It was weird I did not realize it when I was talking to them (my mom and dad.) 

[WARNING - In this next paragraph I sound pretty dang naive - It's embarassing.  Read at your own Peril] 

It feels good to be back in the swing of things, but I know it will feel really good when I get off my mission.  You know what...that's not a good thing to say.  Because, then it will be, when I get married I'll feel really good and it'll never stop. 

I feel really good right now.  I asked Ст. [short for Старейшина or Elder] Parks & Ст. Kindred to give me a blessing and they did.  Ст. Parks annointed and Ст. Kindred blessed.  I blessed Ст. Parks earlier in the month & I didn't do a very good job.  I don't know why.  I had only done one before that.  Ст. Kindred was really good.  I feel lots better.  I know he is close to the Spirit.  That Elder has the longest prayers I have ever seen.  So does Ст. Parks.  Sometimes I have problems realizing when I have received answers.  But I know I have.  Well it's time for bed goodnight.

September 20, 1996 - Friday

Wow what a difference a good night's sleep and a preperation day make.  I sat in the bathroom and read 1 Nephi 1:1 about good parents.  I tried to write in my other journal [my journal for scripture study] about how bad my parents were.  Or the fact I could've been raised better.  But it was a lie and the spirit told me so.  It led me to write that I was here and I wouldnt've [is that even a word] been here with any other parents.  I've been put into a family that was right for me.  The Lord knows me and what I needed to have to stay active in His Church.  And the fact that I've been striving to follow my Savior for thousands of years before this one.  So why give up now.

 I really needed that testimony that I was suppose to be here.  Not only that but the fact that it brought the Spirit into my heart.  I bore my testimony/shared the experience with Elder Parks and then the Spirit told me to share with Elder Kindred the spirit that he brings.  The example that he is as a District Leader to me.  He prays so long at night.  It really makes me strive to be more humble, more communicative to my Heavenly Father.  Elder Kindred said he was glad that I waited to go on [my mission - when he was on] his mission.  I am glad I'm here.  In the name of Jesus Christ amen.  в имя Иисуса Христа - Амин. 

September 11, 1996 - Wednesday

Well I am in.  The first day was awesome.  I met my companions.  I have two [companions].  Elder Kindred and Elder Parks.  There is my orange dork dot.  It's called that for who knows reason.  Well I feel the spirit.  It's calm and gentle and makes me feel like I can accomplish anything today.  I know that what I am doing is the right thing.  Mom cried a bit and so did dad.  Well he was teary-eyed mostly.  But I know I am supposed to be here.