January 5, 1997 - Sunday

Today is a "working" day for the Russians because they got off for New Years Day.  So Church isn't until 7pm.  We are having a big dinner tonight because Ст. Moyle is flying out tomorrow.  Ст. Barnes is going to the Petrovsky Branch today.  We've been lazing around all day.  It's about 4:15pm and we just played a tie breaker chess match today. 

I suck, last night I kept running chess through my mind.  I was dog tired, because I'm sick, but I couldn't get to sleep.  I had my problem and finally got to sleep.  I can't tell if Satan is putting these little things in the way of my sleep or if I am just making excuses so I can sin.  Either way I'm a punk. 

I just don't feel like doing anything.  I don't even want to read, write or do arithmetic.  I'm silly I tell ya.  I wonder what Gilbert is up to?  I have a feeling that he is working a lot harder than I am over there in the land of baptisms.  I don't know if I will work any harder in my next companionship or not.  It all comes down to the fact that I like to sin.  I like to take it easy.  I have been.  I haven't been studying hardly at all this whole companionship.  I'm incredibly stupid. 

Today though, I made some flashcards or whatever you want to call them.  So I'll study a little on the metros.  I need to cut out playing chess, reading newspapers or a lot of books and sleeping in and of course my problem, and I'll do a lot better.  Then I need to do things like study regularly, not give in to borderline wrong things and clean up a lot more.

[Post Journal Chat - Looking back on this post I can see that I'm being extremely hard on myself, was depressed and homesick.  I'm not trying to blame Ст. Barnes, but it's hard when you come in all charged up and ready to go, and the first two months have these kind of stuff in it. 

I remember the first morning when I woke up at 6:30am and wondered when my comp was going to get up.  At 6:45, or maybe closer to 7am I went and woke him up.  "Hey Ст. Barnes time to get up" and I turned the light on, and then went back into the living room.  He might have turned it off, or just slept through it.  He didn't get up until 8 or 9. 

A couple of morning like that and you stop trying to wake your senior comp at 6:30am.  Then you, yourself, stop getting up on time.  It's easy to see how it all snowballs huh? - well bye]