October 31, 1996 - Thursday

It's Halloween.  I assume I will receive a package today full of candy from Vernae.  But then again she might be late.  I felt good last night after we (Elder Parks & I) taught, but when we sat down and analyzed it, I just kept seeing things that I needed to work on.  But to [myself] - I said this is what you did wrong. 

It was really hard to hear her [the Russian speaking investigator at TRC].  She spoke fast and in a soft voice.  On feedback she said that I was real sincere and Sister Heaton said she loved me.  It was Брат Wolsey's wife.  Elder Parks had good eye contact - is his feedback.  I can't remember what else.  I didn't mean to say that I did better than him, because I didn't.  He kept good eye contact because he had it more or less memorized and didn't have to read like I did.  I kind of froze up a little, when I taught and I couldn't understand her very good.  But I was trying so hard to understand.

[Mid journal chat - 4 things. 
1) A lot of Russian women talk softly like Брат Wolsey's wife.  Many times I had to ask Russian women to repeat what they had said. 

2)  I did not have this problem with the Бабушкы (Babushkas).  It's amazing, but there were very few middle age women.  It was like there was a magical transformation when a woman hit 40 (looking 30) - boom - they were suddenly 70-year-old Бабушкы.  Which meant that they brushed the dirt courtyard outside with twig brooms, wore handkerchiefs/babushkas on their heads, watched a lot of what was going on, and always told us to put a hat on etc.

3) I had/have a problem with Alpha females sometimes.  There was a lady in my first branch that I couldn't understand - I ran into her again after I had been out about a year on my mission, and I was speaking pretty well - and she flustered me and it was like I had only been out only a month again - I couldn't understand what she was saying.  When I asked her to repeat it - she asked "When I would learn to speak Russian?"  Aaaaahhhhhhhhh!

4) - you know - I can't remember where I was going with this - so that's all.]

Dang it I feel like crap tonight and I don't know why.  I don't want to talk about it with anyone else either.  It might be that I didn't receive a package from anybody with Halloween candy in it.  I also have a crush on Sister Heaton and I don't want too.  It's not a crush I can do anything about until my mission is over, so I won't worry about that.  But this Saturday she will interview me and I don't want to dump my problems on her.  But I don't know what I'm going to do.  I'm going to pray tonight.  Maybe if you're good - I'll share what I [prayed]. 

As I prayed, I told the Lord that didn't feel good, and that I wanted to, and that I was promised when I was baptized that would have the Spirit if I was living righteously.  I told the Lord ("told" isn't a good word, prayed and said) that I was trying my best to live good and I needed the Holy Ghost and I instantly felt better.  night.

October 30, 1996 - Wednesday

I love the Lord and I had a great experience teaching only in Russian.  I love God and I hope that I will be able to love everyone.  night.

October 29, 1996 - Tuesday

Well I'll write in my journal what my [note] said.  The first paragraph was what I wrote and the second is what Sister Heaton [wrote].

Dear Elder Herrick, I want you to know that you have been following God's plans, through the Savior, for centuries untold.  Like the scripture you shared a couple of days ago, you want to be before our Savior and have him welcome [you] into His arms with Love.  I know that before you came to this earth that it was your fondest wish and while you are here on this earth He is in Heaven and that is His fondest wish also.  Thank you for being in our class.  Thank you.

I want you to also know how much I love our friendship.  I feel the Spirit with you so strongly whenever we talk.  You are going to do great things in your life because of your closeness with the Savior.  You have been blessed with a personality much, I imagine, [like] the Savior himself.  Go forth in faith and confidence as you set out to teach people how to return to Heavenly Father.  I appreciate you and love you.

That's why I like her.  She is so full of love.

October 28, 1996 - Monday

By the way - Saturday night I was comforted.  I don't know if I like having Ст. Beckstrand in my room, but it looks like I'm stuck with him.  It isn't so bad, but you know I don't like change.  I had to give up some space and I know I'm being selfish, but hey - I'll get over it.

I'm going to fast today because I want to feel the Spirit.  I don't like the way that I feel.  I think anytime that I can't pray sincerely I'll threaten myself with fasting.  At least maybe I'll lose some weight before I leave.  Only two more weeks wow.  It seems weird.  When the group leaves tomorrow we'll be the oldest group of Ruskies left.  Wow.  Last Friday we went to the temple and Sister Habel & Sister Pipken were there.  I didn't stand by either of them on purpose, because that would be hard to concentrate.  They are companions and are both very beautiful.  But I shouldn't look.

It's about 9:46pm and earlier today, right after supper, we all received notes that I had written.  (I talked about them on 10-19-96. )  It felt so good to hear people talk about who they thought it was and how it made them feel.  It felt really good. 

Okay - we had TRC again tonight and all day I had had negative feelings for Ст. Parks.  So when we went into the teaching I don't think we taught with the Spirit as strongly as we could have.  I didn't really think we accomplished our goal and I was mad at myself and at Ст. Parks etc.  Not feeling at all like I had [when I did TRC] with Sister Jensen.  But when we got back to the dorm Ст. Beckstrand  sensed I had a concern and basically testified that I did good, got me in a better mood.  It felt good.  I love everyone and Ст. Parks included.  I love you.  В имя Иисуса Христа.  [In the name of Jesus Christ]

October 27, 1996 - Sunday

Today we are having a weird change.  One of the companionships is changing - they are going to split up.  Ст. Beckstrand is now companions with Ст. Kindred, and Ст. Parks and I are now companions.  [Ст. Pope went into a threesome with another companionship, but I don't remember who.]

Here's the thought for the day...

"Perhaps we stray from the path which leads to peace and find it necessary to pause, to ponder, and to reflect on the teachings of the Prince of Peace and determine to incorporate them in our thoughts and actions and to live a higher law, walk a more elevated road, and be a better disciple of Christ."  - Thomas S. Monson [Ensign » 1994 » May »The Path to Peace - 3rd Paragraph]

October 26, 1996 - Saturday

Why can't each day be the same.  For this whole week I have been feeling good, having the spirit with me and everything.  And then Saturday roles [rolls] around and I feel like crap. 

Tonight I feel humbled.  We went into the class discussion and I was a little contentious, then we taught the other class - Ст. Simmons & Ст. Pacey [then] they taught.  Ст. Simmons is such a humble man, and so easy to be lead by the Spirit.  It was so easy to feel of his spirit as he testified.  He is such an awesome guy.  I just felt humbled because he was so good.  I'm going to pray for a long time tonight because I just need comfort and strength, night.

October 24, 1996 - Thursday

Well tonight has been rather peculiar.  One of the Elders in one of the new districts is having a hard time so Ст. Kindred came in here and dressed really fast and then we had a group hug and I told them that I know God loves them.  Ст. Kindred was crying and wanted the Spirit so bad.  He is so humble.  He has the longest prayers I have ever heard. 

[I don't think that I explained earlier, but Ст. Kindred was now an AP in our building/ward - so he would take the newbies on a tour every Wed. and visit the other districts etc. to see how everyone was doing.  Whenever there was a problem - he was the go-to guy.]

Ст. Parks and I talked quite a bit tonight.  I felt a little like I am being left out of the companionship but I didn't know exactly why or what they could do.  I feel weird tonight.  I bore my testimony to one of the Portugal Elders.  They are two or three weeks old - the English speaking a week or two old. 

Well it's about 5 after 11 so I'd better get to bed.  I'd better pray good tonight to feel better.  That always helps.

[Post jounal chat - I've noticed for the past 3 entries that the way I write in English is getting confused and different.  I see little bits of Russian grammar sneaking in to my English.  Interesting huh?]

October 23, 1996 - Wednesday

Today we taught discussions with the other class on splits.  I thought it went really well.  I'm very thankful for my teachers.  Every day I'm impressed at how well they have taught us.  Also I'm thankful for the gifts my Heavenly Father has given me.  I actually can't memorize very well but I've noticed and it's been commented on that I have pretty good pronunciation.  I hope that it doesn't sound boastful.  But sometimes I look at the other missionaries and they are up there & it is hard not to compare - so I am thankful for that. 

Time to go to bed.  I can't wait for tomorrow because it is my turn to bear testimony on the way home from last class.  I love the Lord with all my heart and I am so thankful that he is helping me with pride.  I need the help big time.  Please know that I love being here and I know I am suppose to be here.  May the Lord bless everyone with love.

October 22, 1996 - Tuesday

Good evening gentle folk.  I had a radical day today.  Tuesdays are always good.  Elder Robert B. Hales spoke to us.  I love it when the General Authorities  and especially when the 12 come.  I love everyone and for the past couple of nights I have loved to pray.  I hope the Lord always helps me to love to pray.  Night.

October 21, 1996 - Monday

It's morning wow.  I've started taking my showers at night but then I don't think I need to get up earlier than six so it usually like 6:30 or so before I start my BOM read.  So I have to continue getting up at 5:45 AM.  But I switched around in bed so that the light from under the door won't keep me up.

Now it's after lunch.  In my interview we talked about how to love everybody.  I am just getting negative thoughts about everybody and negative feelings.  I fasted yesterday and I felt good throughout the day except a little after dinner when I broke my fast.  Maybe it was because I wasn't fasting very much.  Is the only way I am going to feel good is by starving myself?  At least I'd look better. 

Yesterday I wrote little notes for everyone and now I have to write them so that someone else can read it.  I wonder if there is something in my past that I haven't repented of.  I'm sure there isn't because I would know.  The Spirit would tell me. 

Yesterday we had a talk and the guy had several good suggestions.  One was to compliment people more often.  It worked.  I just complimented Ст. Parks & I feel better.  Bye for now - bye

[Okay embarrassing part again.  It seems that I had a little crush on Sister Heaton]
Okay after class, end of night, I feel great again.  It's awesome here.  I think Sis Heaton just brings the spirit out in us, especially me.  I testified on the way home from class and I feel radical [that means cool to all you youngins].  Just glowing.  Plus I gave my letters to Sis. Heaton so she could write them up & send them to us.  Well it's time to go to bed.  I'll probably write a short something after praying.  night.

In my prayers I just talked about this love to me & I hope I can show others His love & my love & how important His love was to me.  night

October 20, 1996 - Sunday

As I prayed today I felt really good.  I really haven't had that burning or anything, but all of the day [what?] I have felt extra spiritual and I think all the talks were for me.  They all were pointed at what I was working on.  good night

October 19, 1996 - Saturday

[Man this post is embarrassing to read as well.  It's read at your own risk again!]

I had an interview today with Sister Heaton.  She is the most wonderful teacher.  I love her.  Of course, only as a friend or teacher/student relationship, but the love is real.

When I prayed tonight, I feel & felt so good.  I wish I could always feel like this.  I know that Heavenly Father loves me very much and I love him so much.  I was kind of depressed this week at the end & I am going to be like Bro. Empey - never have a bad day! [Bro. Empey was one of my HS seminary teachers]

I am also going to write notes for everyone tomorrow so that I can share my love with them & I will feel love & have the Spirit.  That is what I really want - to show people that I love them & to love them.

Пока [bye]

October 18, 1996 - Friday

Today was P-Day.  I led the discussion today in Russian for the evening class.  Then Bro. Woolsey told us tons of stories of...How the Mafia likes the missionaries and just tons of stories about Russia.  I have a headache and will try to get to bed early.  Goodnight.

October 17, 1996 - Thursday

I was feeling contentious tonight because I missed the temple last week and they did baptisms and then an endowment.  This week I thought they would do that again, but they just want to do an endowment first.  So I asked Pres. Watson, he was walking around, and he said that after you've been going pretty regular that it would be alright to go for a baptism or something and then go home.  [That was a really long run on sentence.]

  I felt like it was wrong etc.

I felt like this - blue kind of sideways & wrinkley smiled.  So I prayed, for 10 minutes I bet, about my concerns etc.  I just decided to do endowment and then let the others worry about themselves.  So I feel much better and Heavenly Father has indeed blest me tonight with calmness & peace & I thought it would be important to write it in my journal - even though it's now 11 am.  night

October 16, 1996 - Wednesday

Well tonight went good.  I went out with the new group, when Ст. Kindred gave them the tour etc.  I always like that.  Also in the new district is Elder Mike Porter.  Now I want to share with you the very funny wisdom of a missionary long gone.  It's called The Small Papers of Mitchell. [This was found hidden on the underside of a drawer]

October 14, 1996 - Monday

Today ended so awesome.  It was a really long dang partly because we had three lessons in grammar our midday class.  But our evening evening class we went through a discussion in Russian first and then the last 5 minutes was in English.  Well we ran over the time limit and we went to TRC:  the Training Resource Center.  We had a little orientation and then we went to a door and knocked.  We just talked to an older guy and we got him to commit to helping an inactive family down the street.  It was [a] pretty weak commitment. 

I improved in the second one by leaning forward when talking with this guy, who was next. 

Sister Jensen was my companion & he [the investigator] kind of teased us about this.  It went a whole lot better though.  We were on time & we got him to commit to talking with his wife about inviting a[n] inactive family down the street to dinner one night where we give them a little lesson and invite them to church.  We improved a lot with the second one and I feel awesome.  It makes me want to get out in the mission field and start teaching.  You are probably wondering what this is on the page [picture on the left].  Well the guy that was giving feedback thought that I should have [a dress] since I was with a sister.  [I remember that he held up the dress to the screen and kept moving it around so that my face was visible under the hat.]

I have to go now, but I want whoever is reading this to know, that I have a deep love for my Heavenly Father.  I felt so comfortable in the room and I know it was because of our prayers before entering.  Thank you!

October 12, 1996 - Saturday

Well guess what!?  When I was home Mike and Lynette came up and earlier my dad told me that they were engaged.  To be married on the 19th.  Well that's next Saturday.  Wow huh?  It was weird I did not realize it when I was talking to them (my mom and dad.) 

[WARNING - In this next paragraph I sound pretty dang naive - It's embarassing.  Read at your own Peril] 

It feels good to be back in the swing of things, but I know it will feel really good when I get off my mission.  You know what...that's not a good thing to say.  Because, then it will be, when I get married I'll feel really good and it'll never stop. 

I feel really good right now.  I asked Ст. [short for Старейшина or Elder] Parks & Ст. Kindred to give me a blessing and they did.  Ст. Parks annointed and Ст. Kindred blessed.  I blessed Ст. Parks earlier in the month & I didn't do a very good job.  I don't know why.  I had only done one before that.  Ст. Kindred was really good.  I feel lots better.  I know he is close to the Spirit.  That Elder has the longest prayers I have ever seen.  So does Ст. Parks.  Sometimes I have problems realizing when I have received answers.  But I know I have.  Well it's time for bed goodnight.

October 11, 1996 - Friday

Well everything went really well.  I got down there [to Boise] and we talked for a whole lot and I got to bed at 1am and I got up at 6am, like usual and packed, dressed and wrote my letter of apology to Bridget Stace.

[Okay quick explanation about the ticket.  I was driving down Desert between Maple Grove and Cole.  At the dip by the canal there was a big truck and it was moving soooooo slow.  So I pulled out and went around.  When I got to the front there was a flagger waving at me - but I was already past.  They were repaving the road or something - but just the left side of the road. 

I went down the road about 1/2 mile and there was a flagger at the other end, standing in the middle of the road with a car or two behind her.  That flagger was Bridget Stace.  The car next to her moved over so that it was in it's lane and she stood in the middle of the road waving her flag.  I slowed down and almost stopped.  The flagger started to come around from the front of my car and when she was out of the way I drove off. 

The ironic thing is that I was actually going to meet the missionaries and go out on splits.  Evidently I got the date wrong or I was late or something because they were gone and I waited 5/10 minutes and then went home.  There was a cop waiting for me when I got home.  Ms. Stace had taken down my liscence plate # and called it in.  So the cop gave me a ticket for Reckless Driving - and since it was a civilian complaint - it was an automatic court date, I couldn't just pay a ticket.]

On the flight over there [Boise] I sat next to a lady from Arizona who was going to see her husband.  We talked a little bit about the Church but I didn't have the nerve to ask her of her beliefs.  But I did bear testimony that what I am doing is important enough to me that I would forsake movies [music, girls] etc. to serve H.F. and share my feelings of Christ.

But [back to court]  Bridget stood up after reading my apology letter & just wanted to tell the court that it scared her and how important it is to obey traffic laws - especially the laws of construction site because it's not only for the construction workers safety but the safety of the public also.  Night.

[One last thing - So far this was the last ticket that I have ever gotten.  It was my 10th traffic ticket over 7 years of driving.  They were spread out enough that I never lost my liscence.  I have been pulled over since then, and rightly so, but NO MORE TICKETS - YEAH]

October 9, 1996 - Wednesday

Yesterday before grammar class they called me down to the counselors office & so I thought something like Dad had died or etc.  So I get down there & she said "I suppose you know you are going home to Boise right?"  I go no.  So then she looks for her boss [for]  me and he isn't there.  Well then she gives me a piece of paper with my travel plans on it.  I fly down [at] 8:20pm Thursday & come back at 11 on Friday morning.  It seems that I have a court date Friday morning so that I can take care of my ticket [from Summer 1996 - it was a ticket for reckless driving].  I hope I can plead guilty to a lesser charge or something, pay the fine and come back.

When I'm there I'm going to see if I can get some Mongolian BBQ.  I love that stuff.  It is so good.  But I'm kind of concerned with going out into Babylon.  I don't want to.  I'd  rather stay here where it is nice and safe.  But I'd rather have to go home for one night and go to court than to go home from Russia to take care of this.  Well it's time to go to breakfast.  Добры Утра [Good Morning - misspelled]. 

It's after class today and we prayed as a district.  I had reservations and I got I still have them [nice grammar huh?].  The whole prayer felt weird and uncomfortable because it was so out in the open.  I think that we shouldn't have had it because I felt it was aimed at Elder Beckstrand.  I felt uncomfortable.  I hope that it doesn't become something big. 

October 7, 1996 - Monday

Well today was pretty good with the language and I prayed aloud in my room alone just thanking my Heavenly Father.  I know He heard my prayer, because I went down to Elder Woodland [Not part of my District, but in the same building] and asked him if he wanted some chips & salsa that I got from Natalie Van Dorn today.  We had a really good talk.  It only lasted about 25 minutes or so, but it pumped me up.  He has a goal to baptize 1000 people on his mission.  That's 6 discussions a day, and 50 people baptized a month. 

I'm on fire, I was thanking the Lord in my prayer to go to bed, late as usual, and I wanted to write it down before I forgot.  I'm on fire.  I'm going to work extra hard.  4's from now on out [at the discussion lab], learn my verbs, memorize the discussions and be obedient as much as possible.  Yeah I know it's past my bedtime & I am not being obedient - I'm repenting right now.  night

October 3, 1996 - Thursday

Well when I got home from class this evening.  I wrote on fifteen envelopes so that I would have a goal.  Today went really well.  But now I am going to bed.  Tomorrow is Preparation Day.  Отлична [excellent].

October 2, 1996 - Wednesday

Today, like usual, I got up at 6:46am and took a shower.  Then I made up Elder Parks' bed while he was taking a shower.  It made me feel good.  And I hope it makes me love him more.  I can feel it starting to work. 

I have memorized another half of a paragraph from the Ds [Discussions written in Russian] - it's hard though.  We never have enough time.  Well - by for now.

It's just after supper.  Michelle Merithew wrote.  Yahoo.  Whew.  I just [got] back from the evening class.  I feel like I just suck.  I'm feeling pretty bad.  I feel like Moses.  Earlier today I was feeling really good and in the last class I felt the Spirit so strongly.  But afterwards I really didn't.  It's like the Spirit left me when I was trying to teach the 1st principle of the 2nd Discussion.  I floundered and really disliked it.  Intensely.  I went after Elder Parks and I felt like he did so good and I compared myself to him and the Spirit departed.

So what I learned from today is not to be contentious.  And not to compare myself to other people. But that is really hard to do [or not to do - as the case may be]. I don't understand why we can't have the Spirit with us always. Is it because we are not suppose to or is it because I have done something wrong? 

I'm feeling better now.  It's like I just have to get it off of my chest or Satan can only tempt or discourage me for so long and that's all?  Well it's bedtime.  night

October 1, 1996 - Tuesday

I was opening my journal and read my name...Elder Walter Dale Herrick.  I got this from Jerylynn Judkins [an old girlfriend].  And at the time it was still about 2 years until I would go on my mission.  It was at the time where I should have been leaving, because I was 19.  I never thought that I would be worthy enough.  She had faith in me though and has always talked to me and encouraged me, along with her family.  I'm very thankful that I am able to know her and many wonderful friends and girls like her. 

It's now about 9:47 pm.  We had a pretty chock full day.  I made a goal to memorize a principle a day from the Russian discussion.  Well I did the first paragraph.  It was frustrating.  It's really hard because I just have to go on sounds instead of words.  Tomorrow I will work harder so I can accomplish more toward my goal.

I just read my patriarchal blessing.  It has such a great power to uplift me and make me see the big picture.  One verse that stuck our was talking about Satan - "tell Satan to leave you alone...His time is short and you have the eternities."  the Spirit bears witness that, that is true every single time I think about that.  Another verse that stands out is talking about missionary work.  It says "love your companions and those who you serve."  Boy do I need to work on that. 

I'm starting to get along better with Elder Parks.  I know that I still need to work but I don't feel negative of him anymore.  I miss my life in the outside world.  But I love being here.  I'm a little scared that I won't be able to learn the language.  Gilbert wrote me, through Nick, and said that if I memorized a principle a day - I would be able to have all the discussions memorized by the time I got out of here.  So that is my new goal.  1 principle a day for a week.  Then I'll reevaluate and see it need to improve myself.  Set a higher or lower goal.  At least this way I am trying really hard.  Well goodnight.  I'll be praying for you walt!

September 30, 1996 - Monday

Well I'm finally getting over my cold...sort of.  I have a headache today but it will go away.  And my throat doesn't hurt as bad.  I tried to write last night but I ran out of time.  I know my mind should be centered on my mission.  But I keep thinking about other things.  Like will Tammy [Krajnik] or Melissa [Gonzales] or Michelle [Merithew] ever write me?  It seems like they won't.  Just my luck huh?  Oh well - I also keep thinking about writing Sarah and sending her a Book of Mormon with my testimony.  I should have not just forgotten her before I left.  I wish I would've known how to share and invite her to do this before I left.  Then I would have known how to share my feelings with her...to at least give her the chance to feel the love I have felt.  Well I guess I had better go.  I'll write how my day went later.

Today we went to go and play sand volleyball. Много Хороши [the 1st word - Mnoga - means a lot of - I was trying to say very good, but a lot of good doesn't really make sense.  What I should have said was Очен Хорошо - or very good]  Actually I didn't play.

Today in our evening class we share how to give positive feedback and how to not criticize.  Last Sunday we had a companionship inventory and I told Elder Parks that I didn't like it when he corrected every little thing that I do.  So today I apologized.  It's really hard though.  It makes me so mad and I don't want to even know how to speak the language.  It makes me so I don't want to speak it at all.  But I got over it Saturday.  So I just keep telling myself that I need more patience. 

I'll let it go another week and then I will bring it up.  Because I could have a complete reversal in a week or two.  So if it is taking the Spirit away from me, then I will bring it up.  I also need to work on pride.  But tonight we talked about Faith.  It was awesome and then we talked about this and then Elder Parks gave the first discussion and he asked me a question and when I answered  - he immediately built on common beliefs and testified at the same time about resurrection.  Boom I felt the Spirit so strong.  And then we talked about it.  I've felt the Spirit so strong today.  But I've also felt so discouraged because of the way I've felt about Elder Parks.

So that is something that I definitely have to work on.  I'm very thankful though that my Heavenly Father has blessed me with the Spirit today.  I hope I can have it with me in the night and tomorrow.

September 28, 1996 - Saturday

I need to write in my journal all the time, not every other day.  Well today I felt in a bad mood still, but after lunch I was fine.  I had a meeting with Брат [Brother] Sycamore and told him I was having a little trouble with Elder Parks correcting me all the time and he said that he would say something to the class.  So my problems are solved [ha, ha, ha - all my problems are all solved - ha, ha, ha - except for the rest of my life]

September 26, 1996 - Thursday

Today started good, went halfway bad in the middle and ended great.  I was just tired and my throat & mouth hurt but after a pretty good topical gospel study and then the teacher left for a meeting so we went through the missionary guide.  Then we went out and looked at this eclipse for quite a while.  Then when we got back to the apartment I ran and took a picture with my companions, with my companions in it.  I took a picture of the eclipse.  There that sounds better. 

Tomorrow is P-Day.  Allrighty.  Anyway, I have to go to bed now.  Oh yeah, a really good part of the day was I vacuumed this classroom next door.  These girls came and asked if we knew and told us to thank whoever did it if we found out.  [I've alwys enjoyed anonymous service]

September 25, 1996 - Wednesday

I still feel sick but I got a blessing from the APs & my companions.  I still have a huge headache but at least the cold has mostly moved out of my chest.  It was difficult to breathe last night.  I had to wake up and cough - I felt like I was drowning.  When I woke up at 3am or so I went to the bathroom.  I felt really good because I could breathe deeply.  Something had kept me from breathing in all the way.  So I felt really good, but when I woke up at 6 I was really dry and my head hurt.  And my throat was super dry.  Now it hurts and I've been coughing on and off all day.  Yesterday I was coughing all the time. 

Whenever I'm sick I just don't care.  So today I really wasn't all that spiritual.  In our evening class we had gospel study and I was a bit contentious.  And Elder Clarke said something that I got angry at.  The fact that we just can't give up on certain parts of the doctrine and say that they aren't important to our salvation.  Just because they are super, really big, too hard to understand. 

So I was mad and closed up my mouth and didn't talk much.  Then I prayed that my anger wold go away.  I felt the anger drain from me and then I started to think about why I was angry.  Then I realized I was angry because I had kind of stopped believing in prayer.  I haven't gotten very many answers and I have a hard time recognizing if I get them.  Well I have to go to bed to stay within mission rules.  night