December 20, 1996 - Friday

Went to another Hockey Game last night.  Elder King and I were out walking around and these two girls started talking with us and asked us to go outside with them.  They were pretty good looking.  I didn't catch what they were saying until after we left.  But it was funny.  I'm still having my problem.  night.

[Post Journal Chat - So the great thing about this Hockey Game was that it was between Canada & Russia.  It was also celebrating 50 years of Russian hockey.  We went down as far as we could get before the game started and yelled things to the Canucks warming up.  Elder Sefcik is from Canada, but his mom is from Utah - so he has dual-citizenship.  There was a couple of other Canadians in the mission over the years, but none were as cool as Sefcik.  His name actually comes from somewhere slavik.  It was Sevchic, and so that's how they spelled it on his namebadge.  Unlike me - where they wouldn't put in two rs in Herrick, Xeppuk.]

December 12, 1996 - Thursday

Okay what's up G?  Today I slept in until like 11:00am and we didn't get out of the apartment until about 2:30pm or so.  Tomorrow I promise myself that I will get up by 6:30alm.  I promise.  I also will be good. 

We had a D with a Korean girl who spoke English.  I went off on something about Joseph Smith and it went bad, but the D was pretty good.  She was really apprehensive about the whole thing.  I'm tired of not feeling the Spirit [like in the MTC].  Night.

Oh yeah we went to another Hockey Game on the 10th and then the 11th, Wednesday, we played GatorBall.  I am so tired and sore.  Then we went out to eat at Santa Fe.  Good food but expensive.  Ст. Kirkwood was going to Воронеж (Voronezh) that night and so it was kind of a good-bye party.  Night.

[Post Journal Chat - Again for Culture Night we went to a Hockey Game.  ЦСКА [Tsey Ess Kah] played Братислава (Словакия) [Bratislava (Slovakia).  I really don't remember who won, but it was very fun to watch.]

December 9, 1996 - Monday

Tonight we had FHE or Семый вечер [Syemy Vecher - Family Night - by the way I misspelled Семеный - Semyeny].  It was pretty cool.  We met at Тёрви Стан [I couldn't read my handwriting and so I don't exactly know what metro station that I was talking about] and went over to Паведьский Дом and ate a little then played a game where you say a name and a person standing in the circle tries to hit that person (who's name was called) on the head before they call out someone else's.  Then it goes from person to person.  It was pretty fun.  [We used a long newspaper rolled up in a cone]. 

It was Ст. Stevenson's last one in the branch.  Ст. Barnes and Larsen don't like him.  Most people don't , but I do.  Oh well - night.

December 8, 1996 - Sunday

It's after Church - we came back to the apartment with Ст. Larsen and Woolverton and we had pizza.  It was good.  Now we are sitting around talking about skiing.  I am so trunky.  I want to be one of the ones going home to girls, skiing and etc.  Oh well I'm not - so why whine about it.

December 7, 1996 - Saturday

Well I called mom and dad tonight and talked to them for about 33 minutes.  Total two calls cost me $25.  Oh well.  It's a living they make.  That makes no sense.  My companion was sick today and we spent the whole day in the apartment.  I spent the whole day writing letters that I can send home.  I talked to my mom and dad about stuff they can send with the Dent's.  Well it's been a sitting around yet tiring day so I'll go to bed.  Night.

December 6, 1996 - Friday

Tonight we went and had a D with Svetlana and it was great.  I hardly understood a word but I really feel comfortable with her and her son Дима (Dima) - I think?  Anyway it was really cool.  We went there to give a 1st D, but her husband wasn't home so we asked her if she had questions about what she read or about anything.  She brought out some Book about world religions and asked a question about what it said in there.  It said that Mormons believe that they can become gods.  Which we do.  So Ст. Barnes answered it like a pro.  We can become like God - not above God but like him.  A god. 

Before the D we went and ate at McDonalds with a big group of Elders.  It was kind of a good-bye between and Ст. Nadaulf and Ст. Barnes.  Ст. Nadaulf is going to Воронеж (Voronezh) [which I would find out at the end of my mission was the promised land in the Russian Moscow South Mission - I loved it].  [Ст. Nadaulf] will probably not be back before Ст. Barnes leaves for home.  Also Ст. Kirkwood is going down to Воронеж next week at transfers. 

Wow.  I've almost been here a month.  Elder Dent is leaving this next week.  After the D [with Sveta & Dima] I'm excited to serve a mission.  I feel invincible, I know I'm not.  I know with God I am invincible - without God I am a pile of dirt walking around.  Plus I understood a little of what everyone was saying. 

[Svetlana's] little boy is so cute.  It's weird though.  I have the feeling that most Russians yell at their children.  Wow - what a difference between what I see in my sister's home, Katrina, and also what I want in my home, the same as in Katrina's, which is namely this - happiness no yelling - love - patience etc., and what I see already in Russian's homes.  But hey - I shouldn't judge because I've not been raised in a Russian home so I don't know how I would act if I was. 

Quote of the month from around Thanksgiving.  We were talking about car wrecks and how God helps keep us safe.  Ст. Woolverton - "Only the Lord can save you from a freaking diesel."  With that I close tonight.

December 2, 1996 - Monday

Yesterday was Elder Barnes' birthday.  After church we went out to eat at "American Bar & Grill."  I had the Spirit up until then.  Yesterday was Sunday by the way.  I had my problem as well.  I hate myself, but I'll do better.

[Post Journal Chat - Junior companions have to follow where their Seniors lead.  I wasn't really happy about going to the restaurant on Sunday, but I did eat when we were there.  It was the first American food I'd had in 2 weeks, and it was GOOD.  I can still remember what I ate.  It was a Mushroom Swiss Burger with a Dr. Pepper.  One irritating thing about Russian restaurants.  They do NOT give you free refills.  Not even one.  It was a good thing that I had plenty of extra money still.]

November 30, 1996 - Saturday

Let me tell you one weird thing about Russia...Kit Kats are made by Nestle'.  Is that weird or what?  Yesterday my companion was sick, so we went to English [Class] at 8am and got back at like 11-12.

We went to sleep , because we hadn't gotten much sleep the night before and then we didn't do anything all day.  Elder Josh King called up to ask me if I knew that Gilbert had been mugged and I had already known that.  So then I got directions to a Russian Department store where I could buy some good boots.  They are going to cost $90, but I haven't used any of the money that I brang from home.

I just finished reading a chapter out of the Книга Мормона [BOM].  It took me quite a while, I'll tell you.  I need to get an extension cord so I can listen to my CD player.  I have no batteries left.  Oh well.  [Russian power outlets run at 220v, and America uses 110v so just plugging it in would fry the electronics without a converter/extension cord.].

November 29, 1996 - Friday

[Pre Journal Chat - Okay folks I've been a little slow lately because I've had to think about something.  As I went to do this post there it was a full page in my journal, but unless I talk about some personal things, there was only two sentences I could post.

So...I'm going to share more than I've been comfortable sharing before.  Leading up to my mission I'd had some problems getting worthy and ready to serve.  I'm not going to come right out and say exactly what, but I'm sure you can guess.  I'm just going to say that I had a problem.  I call it "plausible deniability."

So back to the mission.  Like I said earlier, my trainer/1st companion was trunky - That meant that he wasn't a very hard worker.  Here I was straight from the MTC raring to charge out into the field and baptize everybody, and we didn't really do any work.  I studied a lot! 

That brought on homesickness, my problem, feelings of low or no self-worth and what I now recognize as depression.

WARNING - it is a very dark time in my mission.  Read at your own risk.]

Well its the day after Turkey day.  [Talked about my problem a bit]  I am such a punk.  I hate myself.  I hate it here.  Only because of [my problem.  Later] I'll be fine.  I hate feeling like this.  I feel dirty, scum of the earth, like I should kill myself.  I know though, that [killing myself] would be worse.  Then I would eternally feel like *&(*#.  I hate myself.  I can't imagine my children or wife looking back on this.  I really hate myself.  I wish I could change. 

I read in the book "Jesus the Christ" (some of I already told you about [earlier].  Well I am going to fast maybe tomorrow, but definately Sunday.  Oh I feel like crap.  I still need to finish writing my parents.  Oh I hate myself.  I suck.

[Later]  I feel beter now.  I prayed and cried, and cried some more.  It helps.  Now I'm going to listen to a tape from home. 

November 26, 1996 - Tuesday

Last night we went to FHE. It was fun. It was a district [meaning Moscow wide] thing so there was a lot of people there. We ate and I don’t [think that] my turkey was quite done. I hope I don’t get some sickness from it or a tape worm or something. Then they all shared (or three of them shared) thoughts about Thanksgiving. Then we came home. Elder Dent was there and I told him my mom was going to call and ask his mom if she could send some stuff over. He said great.

[Remember that for a region that doesn't yet have stakes - the word district has two meanings.  For Mission organization it refers to an area that several companionships are in, or just the group of missionaries themselves.  Most districts that I were in had between 6 and 10 missionaries.  Districts in Church organization can be replaced with Stake, just like Branches replaced Wards.] 

[After talking about a problem I was having]
In “Jesus the Christ” it talks about how some devils only come out through fasting and prayer and it is logical that some sins only come out through fasting and prayer. Besides fasting is one of the only ways I will feel good about myself.

9:33pm Today we didn’t have a district meeting because Elder Pabst – a German Elder – got lost on the way there.

[Post Journal Chat – In Russian a lot of the different countries sound almost the same as in English.

Japan – Yapon,
Germany – Germaniya,
Russia – Rossiya.

And most of the language names go along with what the country is – just ending in …ski.
English – Angliskii,
Yaponskii,
Ruskii….but Germany is not Germanskii. It is Nemyetskii – a Nyemets is a mute/deaf person. Evidently German speaking foreigners were one of the first nationalities that Russians got to know and couldn’t understand them. That’s like saying that Mexicans speak foreignese or deaffish.
Sorry – but I find that hilarious.]

November 23, 1996 - Saturday

Well last night we went to a hockey game [for Culture Night].  It was pretty cool.  Then we went over to some house and a rich guy named (?) I can't remember, but he bought about 8 pizzas and we all ate it.  Then we performed skits.  It was fun.  There is a picnic today but we slept in and we are gong to miss it.  We didn't get in until about 12:30 am. 

Well I haven't had to give a talk yet in church, but I better be prepared for Sunday.  I'll write to you after we go tracting and stuff.

November 21, 1996 - Thursday

This week has gone strange. Actually my whole stay in Russia has been strange. Right now 'm heating some stew up for supper. Ummm Umm. I made it and it is pretty good. I went and saw Red Square yesterday and part of the Kremlin from a distance. [that's me to the right there - although this picture is from a later date] Okay done with supper. Mmm Mmm good.

Last night around 6 a group of elders in town more got robbed and in a fight. 3 Russians stopped two elders as they were walking into their [apartment] building. They hit one guy and gave him a black eye. They took wallet, money & watch.  When they were searching their bags two more elders (who live in the same apartment as a 4-some) came in the building.  The three guys attacked and the elders beat the snot out of them and got the money back. 

So two of the elders will sleep over at our flat tonight.  It's almost 10:30 now.  It seems like 9:30 rolls around and I get really tired.  We moved everything around in the rooms today.  Now I basically have a room to myself.  Man - everyone around here is major trunky (it means that they are sitting on their trunks, packed and ready to go.  We didn't really get anything done today.  We went and helped the other elders move out, cleaned etc.  Then we came home and ate, went to institute and caught the end of English class.  Nobody was there really.  4 girls.  And nobody came to institute so we came home and cleaned everything.  Two of the foursome that got robbed are moving in with us for about a week so they can get another apartment up and running.

I am so tired so I am going to go to sleep.  First Ст.  Moyle was telling me tons of stuff and asking me all these questions about girls back home.  It was pretty funny.  Well night!

November 16, 1996 - Saturday

Well  Ст. Joe Dent called this morning [the Dents are family friends and I've know him for...ever maybe - they used to be in our ward as well] and we talked for a couple of minutes.  His parents are coming the 13th of December.  They are going to go to a couple of plays and out to an old monetary with a bunch of priests. 

In mom & dad's tape that they just sent me - they talked about maybe in a couple of years they can come and see a lot of Moscow like Elder Dent's folks are and go and visit Mexico City also.  That would be cool.  I could take my parents around Moscow and stuff.  That would be really awesome.  Well it's time almost to go to orientation [with the mission pres].  I'll see you later.  Bye

11-15-96? 11-15-96? 11-15-96? - Friday

I'm weird I know it.  Well another day.  I have a big headache but hopefully it will go away.  I'll write you later and tell you what I did today.

It's 9:51pm.  Today we didn't do much.  But it was really exciting.  We went and bought some blankets etc.  Then came home and ate.  I was so tired that I fell asleep because we were going signboarding and that fell through, so my companion said I could take a nap.

I woke up at a quarter to 6 and we went tracking [it's actually called tracting (going door to door with a tract or pamphlet) - but it's my first exposure to it - so understandable that I would misspell it.]  We went way over onto another metro line and took a long bus.  We went to the top floor of a building and started tracking.  Elder Barnes did the first few doors and then I did the 3rd door. 

They [the inhabitants of the apartment] came to the door speaking English and so when they opened I spoke in English.  We talked to them for a minute and one of the guys, there were two guys in the apartment, kept asking if we had ever been robbed.  They invited us in and we talked about the Book of Mormon, and then we talked for a little bit.  The one guy kept asking us if we had ever been robbed.  He said it about 5 or 6 times, and finally Elder Barnes asked what he was getting at.  He pulled a gun underneath his pillow and demanded Elder Barnes' watch ["I'm getting at this" he said as he pulled the gun out.] 

Elder Barnes said it was time to go and walked to the door [to the room we were in] and out before one of the guys closed the door [right as I was trying to get through it - I was stuck in there with him].  He opened the door and went out but locked the front [door].  He didn't bring the gun with him though.  Then Elder Barnes ran back in the room and one guy that had pulled out the gun went in and closed the door. 

Then Elder Barnes came back out of the room WITH THE GUN [waving it around and telling them to get back].  In the meantime I had the other guy unlock the door.  I grabbed both our shoes and we ran down the stairs and went down the stairs [??] and we put our shoes back on.  [Elder Barnes could just stick his feet in his shoes like nothing...wiggle a bit and boom he had them on.  I had to unlace them and re-tie. I was still retying when]  Elder Barnes said something like "that makes me mad" and he went back up the stairs. 

I said "Whoa, whoa" and followed him up.  He like rang the door and said "Open the fetching door [you fetchers]"  and they did and then.....

They all started LAUGHING and I got that it was a joke.  So we laughed and talked for a while.

Just now Elder Barnes said that people think America is so much better.  They will move there.  Actually I put that to the question and he said you'd be surprised.  This is not even as good as America -  I said "I don't think America is so much better" and he said that "when you get my age on a mission you'll feel differently".  It was funny.

[Post journal chat - the really ironic thing about this hazing was the fact that several things about the hazing should have tipped me off.  Ст. Eric Larsen & Ст. Marcus Woolverton (who had pulled the gun) had thought it was going to be later and weren't expecting us.  So that's why they were speaking English.  As we walked in there was the picture of Christ appearing in the skies on the far side of the apartment.  Both missionaries were wearing shorts and so as we sat on beds opposite each other I thought that I saw garments underneath their shorts.  They must have noticed me looking though, because they immediately asked me another question and pulled their shorts down. 

Ст. Larsen was the one by the front door that opened it for me when Ст. Barnes was in the room.  He was trying not to laugh and he said that he wished that he could have taken a picture of my face when Ст. Barnes came out with the gun.  He said my eyes were so huge. 

Two days later at church on Sunday it was hard for me to trust those two, especially Ст. Woolverton.  He actually was next companion two months later.  Ст. Woolverton is really a nice guy and I had a lot of fun with him during our companionship.]

November 14, 1996 - Thursday

It's 12:43 at night.  I've just completed my first day in Russia - plus I've been awake for 34 hours.  Okay what do I think of Russia?  I feel a love for the people but I can't express myself yet so I can't help the people & show them how I love them.  I went on quite a long taxi ride - a long metro ride and I met my first Russian members.  They're not in my branch but I will probably see them again.

When we first got here at 2:15 - which was 24hrs & 15 minutes from when we woke up [in the MTC to get ready].  We went into the last half of a mission conference with L. Tom Perry.  It was cool.  I got to go up and shake his hand [at the end of the conference], because he had already shaken everybody else's hand.  I met my companion, Elder Barnes.  He's cool & just about to go home.  So I'm going to bed because I've not had much sleep.  night

[Post journal chat - I'd like to share our trip through the airport.  Us four Elders got off the plane and followed the rest of the crowd down a hall and into the customs area.  We were standing in one of the lines when we noticed a gal holding a sign that read "Herrick, Parks +2"  Now my first thought was "This lady is from the Mission Home?"

 Let me tell you why.  Here I was straight from the MTC - 2 months of NO TV, NO newspapers, NO nothing...and here there was this pretty (OK she was HOT) girl and her skirt was the shortest that I have ever seen in my life up to that point.  The test in our school was if you put your arms down to your side the skirt had to go past your fingers.  Her skirt was almost covered by her jacket - it probably didn't even reach past her wrists. 

Okay - so we moved up closer and said that we were Herrick & Parks etc. - it was pretty cool because the lady took us up to the front of the line.  For a minute Parks thought that he had lost his passport, but he found it and we all got stamped and then we bypassed customs with our bags and Boom - we were done and putting our stuff in the van that the mission driver had parked right outside the front doors.]

November 12, 1996 - Tuesday

Well I'm packing right now.  So I'll see you in a little while.  The only thing that I am worried about is getting my stuff in the bags.  Wow.  Well bye for now.

[Post journal chat - when I packed for the MTC I used a vacuum to suck the air out of stuff so that everything would fit.  Then when I opened some of the stuff in the MTC - it didn't fit in the suitcases anymore.  Later on my mission it seemed to fit less and less because I also picked up more stuff.]

November 11, 1996 - Monday

I've been pretty bad at SYLing the last couple of days.  The rules are very lax.  It's after 10:30pm and I'm still up.  But I'm loving it.  I'm sure that I will be a little nervous right before I leave but not right now.  I'm loving it.  I went around tonight and got a bunch of people on a tape recorder [which by the way - I have no idea if I've ever listened to it after my mission]. 

Well I gave a talk yesterday [last Sunday in the MTC ] - I had better record it in my journal.  I got up and did a little dance [in front of the podium].  It was my feet shuffle.  Then I related it to the Restoration.  The dance looks hard, but to me it is so simple.  Everything that J.S. revealed was simple...

1. God - all about him - not some big floating nebulous thing.
2. Jesus Christ - His role in the Plan our Father gave us.  Then my favorite
3. Prophets - The dance looks hard but it is easy.  Then I showed them step by step how to do the dance. 
4. Nobody was there to show the people how to dance.  Joseph [Smith] was called as a prophet.  That is one of the most important things that can be said of him.  One of the most important truths - that he revealed was that He Himself [God] led the Church - the true church.  There were now dance instructors back on the earth.  Then next came the most important tool.
5. The Book of Mormon.  It taught people how to dance more directly and easier than the Bible did. 
6. And Moroni's promise - first read, then ponder, then pray and by the power of the Holy Ghost - all things would be made known.

Did this sound familiar?  It was the first discussion.  That is what the restoration is all about.  What we go out to teach is the simple dance moves of the Gospel.  Then I just bore my testimony of what I had taught.  I don't know if they felt the Spirit - but I did.  I felt calm after I had got going and the thought of doing the dance as an example came to me as I sat on the stand.  The Holy Ghost gave me inspiration.  I love to talk - it just makes me feel loved when I get inspiration and I love to relate things to the Gospel.  love/night

November 09, 1996 - Saturday

Well nobody has confronted me or anything so I guess I'm safe.  Well today went pretty well.  We really didn't do anything very much in the morning class, and the afternoon class ws pretty funny.  Брат Sycamore taught us how to teach English conversation classes.  It was really fun because we all read stuff in different accents.  Сестра Jensen does a really good New Jersey accent and a good British one.  Well I'm going to bed now. 

I feel very prepared to leave this place.  We had a LGM [Large Group Meeting] for all the "soon to leave" [missionaries].  [A] Brother Gibbs taught, and I felt the Spirit telling me to get out there and convert, activate and retain.  It was cool.  Well - I Love You Man, night.

November 8, 1996 - Friday

[Pre-Journal Chat - Ok folks I was half tempted to skip the first part of this.  It's great to share the experiences that a mission brings - but it really pains me to have to re-read/re-live these particular entries.  That's one of the reasons I'm behind a couple of days.]

Well last night was the last for a while that I will see Sister Heaton.  That is a good thing.  The next time I see her will be after my mission. She said she'd drop off our letters at the post office, but they weren't there this morning.  So maybe she had to mail them because it was closed.  Oh well.  I wish her the best.  She had a huge paper due this morning that she was working on last night.  I hope she gets it done.

You know they talk about locking your heart.  I wonder how you do that.  Брат Wolsey met his wife over there in Moscow.  That is where she lived.  He was Branch President over her branch and she was Young Women's Secretary.  So he saw how hard working and stuff she was.  But nothing happened between them until after his mission.  Even until after he was released, did they talk about anything besides his mission etc.  Well night.

Okay it's after the last class.  It was awesome.  We taught investigators improp [?? - on] ты [tee - see mini Russian lesson below].  The Spirit was definitely there I was so comfortable.  Ст. Beckstrand & Ст. Kindred found out I wrote the notes.  Maybe Сестра Jensen too.  Well night

[mini Russian lesson - ы is a hard letter to pronounce.  вы sounds like a short v sound with wee after - vwee.  ты is a softer sound, with no w sound in it.  ты is informal or singular, while вы is formal or plural.  Someone your age or younger you can speak with on ты.  When we pray in Russian we talk to Heavenly Father - we talk in ты, just like we pray in English using thee, thou, thine etc. like Spanish - tu.  вы is a little like y'all - if you are speaking to a group of people,  or if the person is older than you, or someone that you need to be formal with, like a Dr. or a teacher etc.]

November 7, 1996 - Thursday

I'm feeling better today.  Of course I haven't had my night class yet.  I'm beginning to think it's because I like Sister Heaton.  I'm a dork I know.  Oh well.  I'll be gone in a couple more weeks and then I won't see anyone for a while.

November 6, 1996 - Wednesday

Well I took a shower last night and I had a really good sleep.  I wasn't sore or anything this morning.  Today is my last Wednesday at the MTC.  Elder Kindred said it's pretty sad huh? (when I said that outloud).  And I said what he said its pretty sad that we don't feel sad leaving the MTC.  I want to be in Russia right now.  I'll write later.

It's after we had a chance to teach the discussions again.  I feel like crap so much.  I feel like I have just procrastinated.  I just feel so terribles [yeah - no idea where I was going with that spelling].  I wish I knew why.  Jesus was perfect.  Why can't I be.  I hate myself.  This is what I wrote right after we finished teaching..."I've never really been tested.  I've felt so much more bad feelings deep inside as I started working hard.  I'm falling hard." 

Here is a quote that Sister Jensen relayed..."What kind of Church would this be if all missionaries were like me?"  You can probably guess how I felt.

[Post Journal Chat - Looking back I still can't understand how I could feel such contrasting feelings within 24 hours.  Tuesdays were always terrific because of the General Authorities' talks and here it is Wednesday and these feelings pop up.  I think that it comes from comparing myself to others.  I compare their best - with my worst.  For some reason that doesn't bring happiness???] 

November 5, 1996 - Tuesday

Well I ended up praying for about 18 minutes or so.  I'm not saying I'm cool or anything but I just felt horrible that I had to until I felt better.  Its still feel weird. [Nice grammar structure huh?]    Well I'm doing great tonight.  Its always awesome to listen to the Lord's servants.  love Walter.

November 4, 1996 - Monday

Tonight again I feel weird.  Whatever it is [that] the Lord wants me to know - I have no idea what it is.  I have the feeling that I am not learning it.  I feel really bad right now.  I've had diarhea the past couple of days.  I feel like fasting forever.  It's the only way I really feel the Spirit.   I know it is not a good thing but I feel like doing it.  Please dear Heavenly Father help me.  I love you so much.  Thank you.

November 3, 1996 - Sunday

Hi - it was just Sunday.  It's always better on Sunday.  I need to pray and thank the Lord for the knowledge I have gained tonight.  Good night.

October 2, 1996 - Saturday

Today has been awesome.  Ct Parks and I finally sat down and talked about some of the problems we were having.  I feel awesome.  Then I finished writing more notes and I gave them to Sister Heaton so that she could write them.  Brother Feldman, a sub, will write them in his handwriting to confuse everyone.  I hope that Ct Parks doesn't catch on because he was waiting for me to finish [the interview].

[Post journal chat - just mentioning the sub triggered a memory and I wasn't sure that I had put it down in here.  One time we were out doing a lesson on the stairs.  Calling on the phone was mentioned and B Wolsey was demonstrating a how a phone call would go & one of us missionaries was practicing with him.  Another teacher was passing and said that wasn't right.  As the pair started again to do a phone call - the other teacher imitated a crackling phone line - and then in an old babushka's voice, in Russian, he started to try to break into the conversation..."Natalya - is that you...who is on here..get off the line" and we all started laughing.

It was a funny anecdote, but I didn't really understand it fully until I was in my 2nd apartment.  Much of what we learned in the MTC didn't make sense out in the field.  But some did...our line was crossed with someone else's, probably our neighbors, and only one of us could be on it at a time.  Sometimes the phone calls went exactly like it had in the MTC.  It only happened once in a while, but by the time my 6 months was up it got a little tiring.  Once we really needed to call and we had to make annoying noises until they hung up and we could use the phone.

October 31, 1996 - Thursday

It's Halloween.  I assume I will receive a package today full of candy from Vernae.  But then again she might be late.  I felt good last night after we (Elder Parks & I) taught, but when we sat down and analyzed it, I just kept seeing things that I needed to work on.  But to [myself] - I said this is what you did wrong. 

It was really hard to hear her [the Russian speaking investigator at TRC].  She spoke fast and in a soft voice.  On feedback she said that I was real sincere and Sister Heaton said she loved me.  It was Брат Wolsey's wife.  Elder Parks had good eye contact - is his feedback.  I can't remember what else.  I didn't mean to say that I did better than him, because I didn't.  He kept good eye contact because he had it more or less memorized and didn't have to read like I did.  I kind of froze up a little, when I taught and I couldn't understand her very good.  But I was trying so hard to understand.

[Mid journal chat - 4 things. 
1) A lot of Russian women talk softly like Брат Wolsey's wife.  Many times I had to ask Russian women to repeat what they had said. 

2)  I did not have this problem with the Бабушкы (Babushkas).  It's amazing, but there were very few middle age women.  It was like there was a magical transformation when a woman hit 40 (looking 30) - boom - they were suddenly 70-year-old Бабушкы.  Which meant that they brushed the dirt courtyard outside with twig brooms, wore handkerchiefs/babushkas on their heads, watched a lot of what was going on, and always told us to put a hat on etc.

3) I had/have a problem with Alpha females sometimes.  There was a lady in my first branch that I couldn't understand - I ran into her again after I had been out about a year on my mission, and I was speaking pretty well - and she flustered me and it was like I had only been out only a month again - I couldn't understand what she was saying.  When I asked her to repeat it - she asked "When I would learn to speak Russian?"  Aaaaahhhhhhhhh!

4) - you know - I can't remember where I was going with this - so that's all.]

Dang it I feel like crap tonight and I don't know why.  I don't want to talk about it with anyone else either.  It might be that I didn't receive a package from anybody with Halloween candy in it.  I also have a crush on Sister Heaton and I don't want too.  It's not a crush I can do anything about until my mission is over, so I won't worry about that.  But this Saturday she will interview me and I don't want to dump my problems on her.  But I don't know what I'm going to do.  I'm going to pray tonight.  Maybe if you're good - I'll share what I [prayed]. 

As I prayed, I told the Lord that didn't feel good, and that I wanted to, and that I was promised when I was baptized that would have the Spirit if I was living righteously.  I told the Lord ("told" isn't a good word, prayed and said) that I was trying my best to live good and I needed the Holy Ghost and I instantly felt better.  night.

October 30, 1996 - Wednesday

I love the Lord and I had a great experience teaching only in Russian.  I love God and I hope that I will be able to love everyone.  night.

October 29, 1996 - Tuesday

Well I'll write in my journal what my [note] said.  The first paragraph was what I wrote and the second is what Sister Heaton [wrote].

Dear Elder Herrick, I want you to know that you have been following God's plans, through the Savior, for centuries untold.  Like the scripture you shared a couple of days ago, you want to be before our Savior and have him welcome [you] into His arms with Love.  I know that before you came to this earth that it was your fondest wish and while you are here on this earth He is in Heaven and that is His fondest wish also.  Thank you for being in our class.  Thank you.

I want you to also know how much I love our friendship.  I feel the Spirit with you so strongly whenever we talk.  You are going to do great things in your life because of your closeness with the Savior.  You have been blessed with a personality much, I imagine, [like] the Savior himself.  Go forth in faith and confidence as you set out to teach people how to return to Heavenly Father.  I appreciate you and love you.

That's why I like her.  She is so full of love.

October 28, 1996 - Monday

By the way - Saturday night I was comforted.  I don't know if I like having Ст. Beckstrand in my room, but it looks like I'm stuck with him.  It isn't so bad, but you know I don't like change.  I had to give up some space and I know I'm being selfish, but hey - I'll get over it.

I'm going to fast today because I want to feel the Spirit.  I don't like the way that I feel.  I think anytime that I can't pray sincerely I'll threaten myself with fasting.  At least maybe I'll lose some weight before I leave.  Only two more weeks wow.  It seems weird.  When the group leaves tomorrow we'll be the oldest group of Ruskies left.  Wow.  Last Friday we went to the temple and Sister Habel & Sister Pipken were there.  I didn't stand by either of them on purpose, because that would be hard to concentrate.  They are companions and are both very beautiful.  But I shouldn't look.

It's about 9:46pm and earlier today, right after supper, we all received notes that I had written.  (I talked about them on 10-19-96. )  It felt so good to hear people talk about who they thought it was and how it made them feel.  It felt really good. 

Okay - we had TRC again tonight and all day I had had negative feelings for Ст. Parks.  So when we went into the teaching I don't think we taught with the Spirit as strongly as we could have.  I didn't really think we accomplished our goal and I was mad at myself and at Ст. Parks etc.  Not feeling at all like I had [when I did TRC] with Sister Jensen.  But when we got back to the dorm Ст. Beckstrand  sensed I had a concern and basically testified that I did good, got me in a better mood.  It felt good.  I love everyone and Ст. Parks included.  I love you.  В имя Иисуса Христа.  [In the name of Jesus Christ]

October 27, 1996 - Sunday

Today we are having a weird change.  One of the companionships is changing - they are going to split up.  Ст. Beckstrand is now companions with Ст. Kindred, and Ст. Parks and I are now companions.  [Ст. Pope went into a threesome with another companionship, but I don't remember who.]

Here's the thought for the day...

"Perhaps we stray from the path which leads to peace and find it necessary to pause, to ponder, and to reflect on the teachings of the Prince of Peace and determine to incorporate them in our thoughts and actions and to live a higher law, walk a more elevated road, and be a better disciple of Christ."  - Thomas S. Monson [Ensign » 1994 » May »The Path to Peace - 3rd Paragraph]

October 26, 1996 - Saturday

Why can't each day be the same.  For this whole week I have been feeling good, having the spirit with me and everything.  And then Saturday roles [rolls] around and I feel like crap. 

Tonight I feel humbled.  We went into the class discussion and I was a little contentious, then we taught the other class - Ст. Simmons & Ст. Pacey [then] they taught.  Ст. Simmons is such a humble man, and so easy to be lead by the Spirit.  It was so easy to feel of his spirit as he testified.  He is such an awesome guy.  I just felt humbled because he was so good.  I'm going to pray for a long time tonight because I just need comfort and strength, night.

October 24, 1996 - Thursday

Well tonight has been rather peculiar.  One of the Elders in one of the new districts is having a hard time so Ст. Kindred came in here and dressed really fast and then we had a group hug and I told them that I know God loves them.  Ст. Kindred was crying and wanted the Spirit so bad.  He is so humble.  He has the longest prayers I have ever heard. 

[I don't think that I explained earlier, but Ст. Kindred was now an AP in our building/ward - so he would take the newbies on a tour every Wed. and visit the other districts etc. to see how everyone was doing.  Whenever there was a problem - he was the go-to guy.]

Ст. Parks and I talked quite a bit tonight.  I felt a little like I am being left out of the companionship but I didn't know exactly why or what they could do.  I feel weird tonight.  I bore my testimony to one of the Portugal Elders.  They are two or three weeks old - the English speaking a week or two old. 

Well it's about 5 after 11 so I'd better get to bed.  I'd better pray good tonight to feel better.  That always helps.

[Post jounal chat - I've noticed for the past 3 entries that the way I write in English is getting confused and different.  I see little bits of Russian grammar sneaking in to my English.  Interesting huh?]

October 23, 1996 - Wednesday

Today we taught discussions with the other class on splits.  I thought it went really well.  I'm very thankful for my teachers.  Every day I'm impressed at how well they have taught us.  Also I'm thankful for the gifts my Heavenly Father has given me.  I actually can't memorize very well but I've noticed and it's been commented on that I have pretty good pronunciation.  I hope that it doesn't sound boastful.  But sometimes I look at the other missionaries and they are up there & it is hard not to compare - so I am thankful for that. 

Time to go to bed.  I can't wait for tomorrow because it is my turn to bear testimony on the way home from last class.  I love the Lord with all my heart and I am so thankful that he is helping me with pride.  I need the help big time.  Please know that I love being here and I know I am suppose to be here.  May the Lord bless everyone with love.

October 22, 1996 - Tuesday

Good evening gentle folk.  I had a radical day today.  Tuesdays are always good.  Elder Robert B. Hales spoke to us.  I love it when the General Authorities  and especially when the 12 come.  I love everyone and for the past couple of nights I have loved to pray.  I hope the Lord always helps me to love to pray.  Night.

October 21, 1996 - Monday

It's morning wow.  I've started taking my showers at night but then I don't think I need to get up earlier than six so it usually like 6:30 or so before I start my BOM read.  So I have to continue getting up at 5:45 AM.  But I switched around in bed so that the light from under the door won't keep me up.

Now it's after lunch.  In my interview we talked about how to love everybody.  I am just getting negative thoughts about everybody and negative feelings.  I fasted yesterday and I felt good throughout the day except a little after dinner when I broke my fast.  Maybe it was because I wasn't fasting very much.  Is the only way I am going to feel good is by starving myself?  At least I'd look better. 

Yesterday I wrote little notes for everyone and now I have to write them so that someone else can read it.  I wonder if there is something in my past that I haven't repented of.  I'm sure there isn't because I would know.  The Spirit would tell me. 

Yesterday we had a talk and the guy had several good suggestions.  One was to compliment people more often.  It worked.  I just complimented Ст. Parks & I feel better.  Bye for now - bye

[Okay embarrassing part again.  It seems that I had a little crush on Sister Heaton]
Okay after class, end of night, I feel great again.  It's awesome here.  I think Sis Heaton just brings the spirit out in us, especially me.  I testified on the way home from class and I feel radical [that means cool to all you youngins].  Just glowing.  Plus I gave my letters to Sis. Heaton so she could write them up & send them to us.  Well it's time to go to bed.  I'll probably write a short something after praying.  night.

In my prayers I just talked about this love to me & I hope I can show others His love & my love & how important His love was to me.  night

October 20, 1996 - Sunday

As I prayed today I felt really good.  I really haven't had that burning or anything, but all of the day [what?] I have felt extra spiritual and I think all the talks were for me.  They all were pointed at what I was working on.  good night

October 19, 1996 - Saturday

[Man this post is embarrassing to read as well.  It's read at your own risk again!]

I had an interview today with Sister Heaton.  She is the most wonderful teacher.  I love her.  Of course, only as a friend or teacher/student relationship, but the love is real.

When I prayed tonight, I feel & felt so good.  I wish I could always feel like this.  I know that Heavenly Father loves me very much and I love him so much.  I was kind of depressed this week at the end & I am going to be like Bro. Empey - never have a bad day! [Bro. Empey was one of my HS seminary teachers]

I am also going to write notes for everyone tomorrow so that I can share my love with them & I will feel love & have the Spirit.  That is what I really want - to show people that I love them & to love them.

Пока [bye]

October 18, 1996 - Friday

Today was P-Day.  I led the discussion today in Russian for the evening class.  Then Bro. Woolsey told us tons of stories of...How the Mafia likes the missionaries and just tons of stories about Russia.  I have a headache and will try to get to bed early.  Goodnight.

October 17, 1996 - Thursday

I was feeling contentious tonight because I missed the temple last week and they did baptisms and then an endowment.  This week I thought they would do that again, but they just want to do an endowment first.  So I asked Pres. Watson, he was walking around, and he said that after you've been going pretty regular that it would be alright to go for a baptism or something and then go home.  [That was a really long run on sentence.]

  I felt like it was wrong etc.

I felt like this - blue kind of sideways & wrinkley smiled.  So I prayed, for 10 minutes I bet, about my concerns etc.  I just decided to do endowment and then let the others worry about themselves.  So I feel much better and Heavenly Father has indeed blest me tonight with calmness & peace & I thought it would be important to write it in my journal - even though it's now 11 am.  night

October 16, 1996 - Wednesday

Well tonight went good.  I went out with the new group, when Ст. Kindred gave them the tour etc.  I always like that.  Also in the new district is Elder Mike Porter.  Now I want to share with you the very funny wisdom of a missionary long gone.  It's called The Small Papers of Mitchell. [This was found hidden on the underside of a drawer]

October 14, 1996 - Monday

Today ended so awesome.  It was a really long dang partly because we had three lessons in grammar our midday class.  But our evening evening class we went through a discussion in Russian first and then the last 5 minutes was in English.  Well we ran over the time limit and we went to TRC:  the Training Resource Center.  We had a little orientation and then we went to a door and knocked.  We just talked to an older guy and we got him to commit to helping an inactive family down the street.  It was [a] pretty weak commitment. 

I improved in the second one by leaning forward when talking with this guy, who was next. 

Sister Jensen was my companion & he [the investigator] kind of teased us about this.  It went a whole lot better though.  We were on time & we got him to commit to talking with his wife about inviting a[n] inactive family down the street to dinner one night where we give them a little lesson and invite them to church.  We improved a lot with the second one and I feel awesome.  It makes me want to get out in the mission field and start teaching.  You are probably wondering what this is on the page [picture on the left].  Well the guy that was giving feedback thought that I should have [a dress] since I was with a sister.  [I remember that he held up the dress to the screen and kept moving it around so that my face was visible under the hat.]

I have to go now, but I want whoever is reading this to know, that I have a deep love for my Heavenly Father.  I felt so comfortable in the room and I know it was because of our prayers before entering.  Thank you!

October 12, 1996 - Saturday

Well guess what!?  When I was home Mike and Lynette came up and earlier my dad told me that they were engaged.  To be married on the 19th.  Well that's next Saturday.  Wow huh?  It was weird I did not realize it when I was talking to them (my mom and dad.) 

[WARNING - In this next paragraph I sound pretty dang naive - It's embarassing.  Read at your own Peril] 

It feels good to be back in the swing of things, but I know it will feel really good when I get off my mission.  You know what...that's not a good thing to say.  Because, then it will be, when I get married I'll feel really good and it'll never stop. 

I feel really good right now.  I asked Ст. [short for Старейшина or Elder] Parks & Ст. Kindred to give me a blessing and they did.  Ст. Parks annointed and Ст. Kindred blessed.  I blessed Ст. Parks earlier in the month & I didn't do a very good job.  I don't know why.  I had only done one before that.  Ст. Kindred was really good.  I feel lots better.  I know he is close to the Spirit.  That Elder has the longest prayers I have ever seen.  So does Ст. Parks.  Sometimes I have problems realizing when I have received answers.  But I know I have.  Well it's time for bed goodnight.

October 11, 1996 - Friday

Well everything went really well.  I got down there [to Boise] and we talked for a whole lot and I got to bed at 1am and I got up at 6am, like usual and packed, dressed and wrote my letter of apology to Bridget Stace.

[Okay quick explanation about the ticket.  I was driving down Desert between Maple Grove and Cole.  At the dip by the canal there was a big truck and it was moving soooooo slow.  So I pulled out and went around.  When I got to the front there was a flagger waving at me - but I was already past.  They were repaving the road or something - but just the left side of the road. 

I went down the road about 1/2 mile and there was a flagger at the other end, standing in the middle of the road with a car or two behind her.  That flagger was Bridget Stace.  The car next to her moved over so that it was in it's lane and she stood in the middle of the road waving her flag.  I slowed down and almost stopped.  The flagger started to come around from the front of my car and when she was out of the way I drove off. 

The ironic thing is that I was actually going to meet the missionaries and go out on splits.  Evidently I got the date wrong or I was late or something because they were gone and I waited 5/10 minutes and then went home.  There was a cop waiting for me when I got home.  Ms. Stace had taken down my liscence plate # and called it in.  So the cop gave me a ticket for Reckless Driving - and since it was a civilian complaint - it was an automatic court date, I couldn't just pay a ticket.]

On the flight over there [Boise] I sat next to a lady from Arizona who was going to see her husband.  We talked a little bit about the Church but I didn't have the nerve to ask her of her beliefs.  But I did bear testimony that what I am doing is important enough to me that I would forsake movies [music, girls] etc. to serve H.F. and share my feelings of Christ.

But [back to court]  Bridget stood up after reading my apology letter & just wanted to tell the court that it scared her and how important it is to obey traffic laws - especially the laws of construction site because it's not only for the construction workers safety but the safety of the public also.  Night.

[One last thing - So far this was the last ticket that I have ever gotten.  It was my 10th traffic ticket over 7 years of driving.  They were spread out enough that I never lost my liscence.  I have been pulled over since then, and rightly so, but NO MORE TICKETS - YEAH]

October 9, 1996 - Wednesday

Yesterday before grammar class they called me down to the counselors office & so I thought something like Dad had died or etc.  So I get down there & she said "I suppose you know you are going home to Boise right?"  I go no.  So then she looks for her boss [for]  me and he isn't there.  Well then she gives me a piece of paper with my travel plans on it.  I fly down [at] 8:20pm Thursday & come back at 11 on Friday morning.  It seems that I have a court date Friday morning so that I can take care of my ticket [from Summer 1996 - it was a ticket for reckless driving].  I hope I can plead guilty to a lesser charge or something, pay the fine and come back.

When I'm there I'm going to see if I can get some Mongolian BBQ.  I love that stuff.  It is so good.  But I'm kind of concerned with going out into Babylon.  I don't want to.  I'd  rather stay here where it is nice and safe.  But I'd rather have to go home for one night and go to court than to go home from Russia to take care of this.  Well it's time to go to breakfast.  Добры Утра [Good Morning - misspelled]. 

It's after class today and we prayed as a district.  I had reservations and I got I still have them [nice grammar huh?].  The whole prayer felt weird and uncomfortable because it was so out in the open.  I think that we shouldn't have had it because I felt it was aimed at Elder Beckstrand.  I felt uncomfortable.  I hope that it doesn't become something big. 

October 7, 1996 - Monday

Well today was pretty good with the language and I prayed aloud in my room alone just thanking my Heavenly Father.  I know He heard my prayer, because I went down to Elder Woodland [Not part of my District, but in the same building] and asked him if he wanted some chips & salsa that I got from Natalie Van Dorn today.  We had a really good talk.  It only lasted about 25 minutes or so, but it pumped me up.  He has a goal to baptize 1000 people on his mission.  That's 6 discussions a day, and 50 people baptized a month. 

I'm on fire, I was thanking the Lord in my prayer to go to bed, late as usual, and I wanted to write it down before I forgot.  I'm on fire.  I'm going to work extra hard.  4's from now on out [at the discussion lab], learn my verbs, memorize the discussions and be obedient as much as possible.  Yeah I know it's past my bedtime & I am not being obedient - I'm repenting right now.  night

October 3, 1996 - Thursday

Well when I got home from class this evening.  I wrote on fifteen envelopes so that I would have a goal.  Today went really well.  But now I am going to bed.  Tomorrow is Preparation Day.  Отлична [excellent].

October 2, 1996 - Wednesday

Today, like usual, I got up at 6:46am and took a shower.  Then I made up Elder Parks' bed while he was taking a shower.  It made me feel good.  And I hope it makes me love him more.  I can feel it starting to work. 

I have memorized another half of a paragraph from the Ds [Discussions written in Russian] - it's hard though.  We never have enough time.  Well - by for now.

It's just after supper.  Michelle Merithew wrote.  Yahoo.  Whew.  I just [got] back from the evening class.  I feel like I just suck.  I'm feeling pretty bad.  I feel like Moses.  Earlier today I was feeling really good and in the last class I felt the Spirit so strongly.  But afterwards I really didn't.  It's like the Spirit left me when I was trying to teach the 1st principle of the 2nd Discussion.  I floundered and really disliked it.  Intensely.  I went after Elder Parks and I felt like he did so good and I compared myself to him and the Spirit departed.

So what I learned from today is not to be contentious.  And not to compare myself to other people. But that is really hard to do [or not to do - as the case may be]. I don't understand why we can't have the Spirit with us always. Is it because we are not suppose to or is it because I have done something wrong? 

I'm feeling better now.  It's like I just have to get it off of my chest or Satan can only tempt or discourage me for so long and that's all?  Well it's bedtime.  night

October 1, 1996 - Tuesday

I was opening my journal and read my name...Elder Walter Dale Herrick.  I got this from Jerylynn Judkins [an old girlfriend].  And at the time it was still about 2 years until I would go on my mission.  It was at the time where I should have been leaving, because I was 19.  I never thought that I would be worthy enough.  She had faith in me though and has always talked to me and encouraged me, along with her family.  I'm very thankful that I am able to know her and many wonderful friends and girls like her. 

It's now about 9:47 pm.  We had a pretty chock full day.  I made a goal to memorize a principle a day from the Russian discussion.  Well I did the first paragraph.  It was frustrating.  It's really hard because I just have to go on sounds instead of words.  Tomorrow I will work harder so I can accomplish more toward my goal.

I just read my patriarchal blessing.  It has such a great power to uplift me and make me see the big picture.  One verse that stuck our was talking about Satan - "tell Satan to leave you alone...His time is short and you have the eternities."  the Spirit bears witness that, that is true every single time I think about that.  Another verse that stands out is talking about missionary work.  It says "love your companions and those who you serve."  Boy do I need to work on that. 

I'm starting to get along better with Elder Parks.  I know that I still need to work but I don't feel negative of him anymore.  I miss my life in the outside world.  But I love being here.  I'm a little scared that I won't be able to learn the language.  Gilbert wrote me, through Nick, and said that if I memorized a principle a day - I would be able to have all the discussions memorized by the time I got out of here.  So that is my new goal.  1 principle a day for a week.  Then I'll reevaluate and see it need to improve myself.  Set a higher or lower goal.  At least this way I am trying really hard.  Well goodnight.  I'll be praying for you walt!

September 30, 1996 - Monday

Well I'm finally getting over my cold...sort of.  I have a headache today but it will go away.  And my throat doesn't hurt as bad.  I tried to write last night but I ran out of time.  I know my mind should be centered on my mission.  But I keep thinking about other things.  Like will Tammy [Krajnik] or Melissa [Gonzales] or Michelle [Merithew] ever write me?  It seems like they won't.  Just my luck huh?  Oh well - I also keep thinking about writing Sarah and sending her a Book of Mormon with my testimony.  I should have not just forgotten her before I left.  I wish I would've known how to share and invite her to do this before I left.  Then I would have known how to share my feelings with her...to at least give her the chance to feel the love I have felt.  Well I guess I had better go.  I'll write how my day went later.

Today we went to go and play sand volleyball. Много Хороши [the 1st word - Mnoga - means a lot of - I was trying to say very good, but a lot of good doesn't really make sense.  What I should have said was Очен Хорошо - or very good]  Actually I didn't play.

Today in our evening class we share how to give positive feedback and how to not criticize.  Last Sunday we had a companionship inventory and I told Elder Parks that I didn't like it when he corrected every little thing that I do.  So today I apologized.  It's really hard though.  It makes me so mad and I don't want to even know how to speak the language.  It makes me so I don't want to speak it at all.  But I got over it Saturday.  So I just keep telling myself that I need more patience. 

I'll let it go another week and then I will bring it up.  Because I could have a complete reversal in a week or two.  So if it is taking the Spirit away from me, then I will bring it up.  I also need to work on pride.  But tonight we talked about Faith.  It was awesome and then we talked about this and then Elder Parks gave the first discussion and he asked me a question and when I answered  - he immediately built on common beliefs and testified at the same time about resurrection.  Boom I felt the Spirit so strong.  And then we talked about it.  I've felt the Spirit so strong today.  But I've also felt so discouraged because of the way I've felt about Elder Parks.

So that is something that I definitely have to work on.  I'm very thankful though that my Heavenly Father has blessed me with the Spirit today.  I hope I can have it with me in the night and tomorrow.

September 28, 1996 - Saturday

I need to write in my journal all the time, not every other day.  Well today I felt in a bad mood still, but after lunch I was fine.  I had a meeting with Брат [Brother] Sycamore and told him I was having a little trouble with Elder Parks correcting me all the time and he said that he would say something to the class.  So my problems are solved [ha, ha, ha - all my problems are all solved - ha, ha, ha - except for the rest of my life]

September 26, 1996 - Thursday

Today started good, went halfway bad in the middle and ended great.  I was just tired and my throat & mouth hurt but after a pretty good topical gospel study and then the teacher left for a meeting so we went through the missionary guide.  Then we went out and looked at this eclipse for quite a while.  Then when we got back to the apartment I ran and took a picture with my companions, with my companions in it.  I took a picture of the eclipse.  There that sounds better. 

Tomorrow is P-Day.  Allrighty.  Anyway, I have to go to bed now.  Oh yeah, a really good part of the day was I vacuumed this classroom next door.  These girls came and asked if we knew and told us to thank whoever did it if we found out.  [I've alwys enjoyed anonymous service]

September 25, 1996 - Wednesday

I still feel sick but I got a blessing from the APs & my companions.  I still have a huge headache but at least the cold has mostly moved out of my chest.  It was difficult to breathe last night.  I had to wake up and cough - I felt like I was drowning.  When I woke up at 3am or so I went to the bathroom.  I felt really good because I could breathe deeply.  Something had kept me from breathing in all the way.  So I felt really good, but when I woke up at 6 I was really dry and my head hurt.  And my throat was super dry.  Now it hurts and I've been coughing on and off all day.  Yesterday I was coughing all the time. 

Whenever I'm sick I just don't care.  So today I really wasn't all that spiritual.  In our evening class we had gospel study and I was a bit contentious.  And Elder Clarke said something that I got angry at.  The fact that we just can't give up on certain parts of the doctrine and say that they aren't important to our salvation.  Just because they are super, really big, too hard to understand. 

So I was mad and closed up my mouth and didn't talk much.  Then I prayed that my anger wold go away.  I felt the anger drain from me and then I started to think about why I was angry.  Then I realized I was angry because I had kind of stopped believing in prayer.  I haven't gotten very many answers and I have a hard time recognizing if I get them.  Well I have to go to bed to stay within mission rules.  night

September 24, 1996 - Tuesday

I cut short my BOM reading so I could write a little in my journal.  Don't worry I'll catch up tonight.  Well nothing much has been going on lately.  I've only gotten one letter still and now I'm sick.  I got over the nose hurts and big headache.  Now I have body aches and throat hurts and little headaches.  I'm aching all over.  I was thinking about getting a blessing but I'm almost over it.  Well I'll write later.  bye

September 21, 1996 - Saturday

Today was pretty good.  We really procrastinated on doing the language yesterday.  Well I ran out of time.  I'll write in the morning.  Goodnight.

September 20, 1996 - Friday

Wow what a difference a good night's sleep and a preperation day make.  I sat in the bathroom and read 1 Nephi 1:1 about good parents.  I tried to write in my other journal [my journal for scripture study] about how bad my parents were.  Or the fact I could've been raised better.  But it was a lie and the spirit told me so.  It led me to write that I was here and I wouldnt've [is that even a word] been here with any other parents.  I've been put into a family that was right for me.  The Lord knows me and what I needed to have to stay active in His Church.  And the fact that I've been striving to follow my Savior for thousands of years before this one.  So why give up now.

 I really needed that testimony that I was suppose to be here.  Not only that but the fact that it brought the Spirit into my heart.  I bore my testimony/shared the experience with Elder Parks and then the Spirit told me to share with Elder Kindred the spirit that he brings.  The example that he is as a District Leader to me.  He prays so long at night.  It really makes me strive to be more humble, more communicative to my Heavenly Father.  Elder Kindred said he was glad that I waited to go on [my mission - when he was on] his mission.  I am glad I'm here.  In the name of Jesus Christ amen.  в имя Иисуса Христа - Амин. 

September 19, 1996 - Thursday

Today sucks.  I have a cold and no energy.  It seems like we talk everything to death.  It's just because I am tired.  I'll write you tomorrow when we have more time on our P-Day.  I need a pick-me-up, so I am going to read my BOM.  night

September 18, 1996 - Wednesday

Well today didn't go too well.  In the first class we went down and had blood drawn for aids testing [No that is not the "didn't go too well" part].  It was really fun.  We all sat around waiting and our teacher came down with the rest of our class to get our blood drawn.  So we just sat there talking about Russia a little bit and about whatever we wanted.  But is was so funny.  Earlier that day in class one of the Sisters in the class, Sister Bishop, left to go to a meeting.  She got back when we were at the Health Center.  Then we went to lunch at an earlier hour to miss all the newbies on Wednesday.

When we got back from lunch we sat down to study, like we would have before lunch and Sister Bishop had another meeting.  So we studied for an hour then went to Gym.  Played basketball etc.  Well we went back to class at 3pm and at about 4 or so Sister Jensen [Sister Bishop's companion] came back and started to tell us that Sister Bishop is leaving.  She couldn't continue because she was crying.  Then a girl from another class came in and told us that she [Sister Jensen] was changing districts but that she would still be in our class.  She would have to move into their room and become a threesome like us [Kindred, Parks & I].  She doesn't know why she left only that she might come back.  But if she came back it would be in a couple of months.  I liked Sister Bishop - she was good natured and she was always striving to get herself and all of us speaking Russian. 

Then I got sick.  I have diarrhea and a runny nose and a huge headache.  Plus I have extremely bad gas tonight.  That might be because I ran out of Superstrength 120 miligram pills of gas relief and started taking 80mg chewable gas relief.  I wrote home to my parents and they still haven't written me back.  It's been a freaking weak.  Where the heck are my letters.  I've mailed out 11 altogether.  Some were to Gib and I don't think they will get here for quite a while.  But everybody else should have their letters.  Well tomorrow I'll probably get them.  night

September 17, 1996 - Tuesday

Well yesterday it went pretty well.  I didn't have a sudden outpouring of the spirit.  Actually I don't know if my testimony has been strengthened on Joseph Smith, but I do have a testimony of him. 

But man - tonight was just totally awesome.  First we had L.Tom Perry speak at a devotional.  We were singing as he came in and it was so presence.  That's the word I used.  You could just feel his presence.  The song was so strong too.  It was very intense.  First we had the choir sing a song and then we had Sister Perry talk to us for a while.  She spoke on "Conversion is a Modern Day Miracle."  For someone to change their lifestyle completely because they felt the spirit is a miracle.  Then L. Tom Perry spoke.  He spoke on how to be a good missionary.  He was really good.

(I'm going to send home for a journal and start writing all the talks we have in there.  So it will be in a further publication. )

Then we rushed over to 9M - which is where we meet to have district stuff.  And President Watson gave one of the most awesome discussion I have ever been too.  The assistant to the President told us before that we were going to like it.  He said it was awesome.  I thought yeah he's pretty good I guess.  He'll teach a good discussion.  It was on the Plan of Salvation.  It was so pu~~~~~.  There is hardly a word to describe it.  The spirit was so strong that I just kept putting my hand to my chest, like I was signifying the truthfullness.  I just couldn't believe how awesome the whole thing was.  Whew. I'm going to have to write home about this one. 

Well it's getting close to 10:30pm so I have to go to bed.  Night.  Don't worry I'll put it in my journal among my talks.  [I don't know what I was referring to in the last sentence]

пока

September 14, 1996 - Saturday

Well today was kind of long.  We sat through all the classes.  I didn't have very bad gas, but I did a little in the evening.  My Phazyme is running out.  I have to write my parents and have them send me more.  I learned that you are not suppose to write home on any day but our P-Day.  Our teacher said we could write this Sunday so I am going to. 

Tomorrow we start SYLing [Speak Your Language].  We have to speak in our language all the time whatever we know.  Then we have to ask persmission to speak in English as a last resort. 

Tonight I am going to pray and ask Heavenly Father if Joseph Smith is a true prophet.  I have before, but not really spiritually.  I've always believed he was, but I need to know so that I can share that knowledge with other people.  I love him for the Book of Mormon and his words in the "Teachings of Jospeh Smith" are so powerful and inspiring.  So I need to have my testimony of Joseph Smith strengthened tonight.  I'll tell you how it went.  walt

September 13, 1996 - Friday

Today has been kind of weird.  Well really weird.  Who knows what is going on.  I think we were supposed to go and play basketball or something, but nobody told us and it is a little bit late now.  It's almost my first full day.  I'm going to write a letter to someone now.  bye for now.   пока

[Later in the day]
It seems like I've been here forever and only two days - well I've only been here two days.  I wrote to Vernae yesterday and my mom yester.  I wrote Tammy also.  well goodnight.

September 12, 1996 - Thursday

Well today I was made a senior companion.  We change every two weeks so for the first little while I am in charge.  That just means that I get to say where we go.  It's all the same any way.  I had an interview with the Branch Pres. and he asked if there was some unresolved concerns.  [I told him about some past sins that I had already taken care of.  He explained that even after missionaries had taken care of things - the MTC kind of brings them out again and you feel guilty again].  Afterwords I still felt concerned about it, but then I rebuked satan and invited the Spirit.  I couldn't feel bad, so I think that I am clean and it was only a ploy of satan.  night.

September 11, 1996 - Wednesday

Well I am in.  The first day was awesome.  I met my companions.  I have two [companions].  Elder Kindred and Elder Parks.  There is my orange dork dot.  It's called that for who knows reason.  Well I feel the spirit.  It's calm and gentle and makes me feel like I can accomplish anything today.  I know that what I am doing is the right thing.  Mom cried a bit and so did dad.  Well he was teary-eyed mostly.  But I know I am supposed to be here. 

September 10, 1996 - Tuesday

The Tuesday before I go into the MTC.  We are right now traveling down to Salt Lake, actually Pleasant Grove, to stay with the Van Dorns.  Last night was one of hectic preparation.  I didn't eat very well last night, the whole day, and I had a huge headache.

3pm - we just went and watched Legacy.  As the movie started and the music started playing.  I felt the spirit and it testified to me that what I was doing was right.  It gave me peace and told me not to worry, I'd do alright.

September 10, 1996 - Tuesday

Well we are off to the MTC.  I hope that I can get everything packed. 

love walter

Have a wonderful life sir  [Don't ask me what that meant]

September 3/4, 1996 - Tuesday/Wednesday

It's 12:30 so it's Sep 4th, but it is still the night of the third.  At work the night of the third went very well.  I didn't have to check at all.  I finished the load after Judy & Jess left and then faced a litt.  I got a silver money clip and cake and a balloon from work.  It was really neat.  I also learned that Kathy [Holloway - store director] does go to church.  She takes her kids to Primary and usually stays with them. 

I left for Pocatello at about 7 and got at Vernae's at about 11:20.  I should have stopped at Kate's first but I was so tired I wasn't thinking very good.  She let me have it.  Well kind of.  Well I'm going to sleep because I don't have to do anything until 3 tomorrow.  Wow.  I left my Book of Mormon in the car.  So I am going to read Kate's Friend.  I also thought up a solution to Kathy's problem but I'm not going to tell her because it is her's. 

Katrina went to the store at about 12:30.  Samuel is off to kindergarten.  So Katrina said to put her down if she (Ashlynn) keeps crying after I'm holding her.  So I got down with her on the rocker and sang "the ants go marching."  Pretty soon she fell asleep.  Then I asked Joseph if he wanted me to sing to him too.  So he climbed up in my lap and I sang "the ants go marching" to him too.  They are both asleep.  cool huh?

September 1, 1996 - Sunday

One week before my farewell.  I still haven't gotten completely ready yet.  Anyway, Eric Garner stopped by my house and we talked for about 45 minutes.  It was good to see him.  I had to go to work at 8-Midnight.  Well the truck [delivering Frozen] didn't come in at 10pm like it was supposed to.  So I had to come home from 10 until 12am and go back for two more hours.  So right now I am preparing my talk.

August 30, 1996 - Friday

Today work sucked so bad.  It was a royal pain in the ass butt.  I was working GM (general merchandise) but they kept calling me up to check.  I was working 9-3 and at 1:47pm I was called to check.  I checked until 2:30pm.  They they kept calling me the entire time until 3:00.  I ignored them though.  But I had this huge bad feeling in my stomach.  Tonight I am going out with Tammy and tomorrow, hopefully, I will go out with Michelle.

August 29, 1996 - Thursday

We got back last night from taking Gilbert dow to the airport in Salt Lake and he flew out at about 7am.  It was neat to see him again.  Well I called Vernae.  I am going up to Pocatello Tuesday night the 3rd, and staying until Thursday or Friday.  I'll have two dates there and tomorrow I am going to pal around with Tammy.  Hopefully Saturday I'll have a date with Michelle and hopefully sometime after this weekend also.  I need to call Jayme Holdaway and see when or if she got married.  Tomorrow I am going to start cleaning my room.  Night.

August 27, 1996 - Tuesday

I am almost running out of pages.  It's a good thing I only have two more weeks until my mission.  It's Tuesday.  We are going down to Salt Lake City, well UT anyway, to see Gilbert off into the mission field.  It'll be really exciting.  I am envious, anxious and ready to go.

August 25, 1996 - Sunday

Last Tuesday I went looking for trouble.  I went into Hastings and started reading some bad books.  I had trouble getting asleep that night, but I was fine.  I've repented all this week and have not partaken of the Sacrament today.  But I feel when I have a talk with Bishop Grames it will be all cleared up.  I meet with hism sometime tonight.  I'm going to take a little nap because I'm feeling tired. 

August 15, 1996 - Thursday

Well I worked 8 - 2 today, came home and vegitated.  Tomorrow I work until 7 and then I'm going with my mother to go and buy more clothes.  We also have to pick up my suits.  Tonight I called Michelle and talked to her for about an hour and a half.  I like her.  She is so funny and nice.  I went on a date with her last Saturday.  We went to Mongolian and then watched King Pin (it sucked big time).  It was disgusting and dirty.  A really sucking thing.  Then we went and had some ice cream at Baskin-Robbins. 

As I was talking to her tonight she told me that she wanted like 6 - 10 kids.  And she asked me later how many I wanted.  And I was like, "I had always thought six was a lot and that is the number you started at."  But she seems like she is ready to get married.  I don't mean that she's really looking or anything.  I just think she is going to make an excellend mother and wife.  night

August 12, 1996 - Monday

Today I worked 9-6.  I took some food over to a house over by Centennial (High School).  The produce manager at Albertsons' father died and it was for an after-funeral dinner.  I have these new colored markers to use in my missionary scriptures.

August 8, 1996 - Thursday

We spent a lot of time last Friday night looking for some glasses I lost.  Me, mom, and dad - then Saturday the 3rd I went to the temple and took my endowment out.  It was really neat, kind of scary, well not scary, but just different.  I can't talk about it because it's sacred.  But at one point I put the garments on and he told me a little about them and I felt so peaceful.  It was really nice feeling. 

Yesterday mom and I went shopping.  We bought two suits and an extra pair of pants then 3 times, a belt, and hankerchiefs.  I've never used a hankerchief (well hardly ever) in my life.  Looks like I'll get used to it huh?  We also got my garments.  2 pair 50% cotton, 50% polyester.  4 pairs 100% cotton and 4 pair thermax - like longjohn style.  well night

July 31, 1996 - Wednesday

On Tuesday, yesterday, I had a rather long day.  I went to early morning Baptisms, then went to sleep for a couple of hours, met with mom and got some garments for the temple and then I went to work from 2:30 to 10:30.  Today I worked 7 to 4.  After I got off I stopped by the comic shop and after I got home I went to take a quick nap in my bed with the comics because I was really tired.  Well I had to go out on the couch because of temptations.  good night - I didn't give in.

14 Years Later

I want to relive the two years of my mission - which started on September 11, 1996 - and so I started to look back at my journal and record them here on the same date - just 14 years later.