Well I took a shower last night and I had a really good sleep. I wasn't sore or anything this morning. Today is my last Wednesday at the MTC. Elder Kindred said it's pretty sad huh? (when I said that outloud). And I said what he said its pretty sad that we don't feel sad leaving the MTC. I want to be in Russia right now. I'll write later.
It's after we had a chance to teach the discussions again. I feel like crap so much. I feel like I have just procrastinated. I just feel so terribles [yeah - no idea where I was going with that spelling]. I wish I knew why. Jesus was perfect. Why can't I be. I hate myself. This is what I wrote right after we finished teaching..."I've never really been tested. I've felt so much more bad feelings deep inside as I started working hard. I'm falling hard."
Here is a quote that Sister Jensen relayed..."What kind of Church would this be if all missionaries were like me?" You can probably guess how I felt.
[Post Journal Chat - Looking back I still can't understand how I could feel such contrasting feelings within 24 hours. Tuesdays were always terrific because of the General Authorities' talks and here it is Wednesday and these feelings pop up. I think that it comes from comparing myself to others. I compare their best - with my worst. For some reason that doesn't bring happiness???]
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